USPS Rocks

WTH is up with the post office? I mail a check to the hospital which is about 5 miles or so from my mailbox. A week or so later, I get a letter from one of the main district offices (may have been in Atlanta) and it has a picture of my mail on it. They claim my envelope was destroyed and they forwarded the contents to Atlanta (what's that, about 800+ miles away) so they can take a picture of the contents of my envelope, and mail the picture back to me. What if that was destroyed? Would they take a picture of the picture?
It looks like they are holding my mail for ransom. Or that they are taunting me. What's next, my mail shows up on a milk carton? I wonder why they put in the accompanying note that for my protection, they would take a picture of my mail, and send me the picture, while they destroyed my mail. Was my mail dangerous? Was it the WMD's that the UN had been searching for?
Oy!
But they did say that they hoped I would continue to use the Post Office for my postal needs.
As opposed to ...

Rambling thoughts from my Hospital Bed # 3

I was going to call this "My Left Hook" but decided it is now part of my ongoing Hospital Bed series. I wrote this on 1-23-07 and is about an event that happened in 2001.

It's easy to get used to pain in the hospital. Poking, prodding, and getting stuck with all manner of pointy things is just a normal part of one's day. But occasionally hospital staff goes too far. I had a picc line (this is tubing inserted into my vein and then snaked about 2 feet or so through my arteries and then sewn in place) and the doctor came in to remove it as I was being discharged. No big deal, and it takes a minute or two and is completely painless. Unless, of course, the doctor doesn't properly cut the stitches holding the picc line in place.
The institution's doctor, whom I had never seen before, or since, came in to remove the line. She cut two stitches (I had 3) and then started yanking like she had just harpooned a seal. My skin stretched like a cartoon character's and I yelled while she kept pulling. She stopped and I told her about the stitch. She said that she had cut them, and she started yanking again and my skin responded like the main attraction at an old-fashioned county fair taffy pull. The pain was intense, and instinctively, my left hand formed a fist, and I swung at her hard. I missed, but she backed off. NOW she was ready to listen.

Rambling thoughts from my hospital bed #2

I wrote this in the afternoon on 1-19-07 after Physical Therapy (PT.)

PT is full of triumphs and disappointments. Yesterday I spent a few minutes tapping a balloon back and forth with the Occupational Therapist. It made me wonder exactly what type of job was she preparing me to return to? Did she think I was a combination magician/animal balloon maker at Chucky Cheese? Perhaps she thought I was a Special Olympics caliber volley ball professional or a circus clown. Either way, I don't recall ever having a job (and I've had plenty of bad ones) where a balloon was used regularly. Could she be subconciously suggesting to me that I seek a new career?
I put get a "how to make animal balloons" book on my list of things to do as soon as I get out of here. I should probably get a "how to juggle" book, too. I'll need something to do after I've made everyone a balloon poodle.
I mentioned disappointments, and I've had quite a few. When my overly perky miniature PT suggested that she would get one of her cohorts and we would get in the shower, well, every post puberty fantasy raced through my head. Of course, this mind movie was scored like a 70's porn flick. Bwaaah, bwaah bwaaaah. Ooom pukka puuukkka.
Turns out all they wanted to do was watch me get out of my wheelchair, pivot, and then slide onto the shower bench, and then reverse the procedure.
But hope springs eternal. When she suggested that we get into bed, again, that same 70's soundtrack kicked in. Bwaaah bwaaah bwaaaah. Ooom Pukka Puuukkkka.
We went into a seperate room with a standard issue hospital bed. She drew the curtains. I got into bed just as she asked. I rolled over when she said to. Yeah!! I wondered which of my buddies I was going to call first to tell them the old man still had it!!! Then, in a sultry voice, she huskily whispered, "OK, now give it to me hard, big guy."
Wait, that was from my mental movie. What she actually said was, "Ok, now get your big butt out of bed if it isn't too hard."
Sigh.

Rambling thoughts from my hospital bed #1

I'd like to post a few things I wrote while I was recently hospitalized for most of January. I wrote this in my diary January 19, 2007. I think it's too good to keep to myself.

Physical Therapy is more than facing challenges. It is learning to walk, or eat, or any of a myriad of activities of daily living all under the tutelage of a trained, highly skilled physical or occupational therapist (both interchangeable referred to as PT's hereafter.) From my personal experience, a PT is a young woman who is, shall I say for lack of a better term, petite? How would you describe someone smaller than petite?
My current PT's are attractive Asian women, none taller than 5 foot nothing and who would, after a lumber-jacked sized meal and a soaking rain, barely tip the scales at 98 lbs. This inherent cuteness is a great benefit to their job. Therapy hurts a lot, yet it is impossible to lash out at someone so adorable. Who could be so mean as to swat a pixie?
But PT's have learned to compensate for their tiny physique. I may tower over them, and weigh more than a squadron of PT's, but they use a method so insidious, yet clever, that one must tip one's cap for their resourcefulness. A team of 2 or more PT's help me to get up and walk. One puts her hand on my shoulder or arm, while the other gives me a wedgie. That time-tested favorite of grammar school bullies everywhere has now become a medical practice. I'm not exactly sure how pulling my shorts way up into my butt helps me to walk--who am I to argue with medical science--it must be admitted that it works. I put one foot in front of the other and hobble my way to recovery.

I've been sick

I've been sick lately, so I haven't been able to blog.
I really feel like writing, but after 10 minutes of sitting here, I start to feel like crap.

So this is going to be short.

What is wrong with the Giants?

They play brilliantly, then they play like crap. This up and down aggravates me as I get my hopes built up, and then they crash down. I like to believe in next year, but with Tiki leaving, and Strahan requiring surgery, it sure doesn't look good.

At least I can spell J-E-T-S.

I just feel like bloggin today

Nothing in particular. No shows to review. I just feel like writing and ranting. Actually, it may be more whimpering.
The big Holiday time is upon us. I see everyone rushing out to buy crap, and it got me thinking back to Christmas's when I was a kid.
I grew up in what was basically a middle class neighborhood. One neighbor was a cop, another owned a small business, while another still worked in a factory. It was not quite a big city, but not suburbia either.
I remember all the kids had their fair share of toys and stuff. Some kids, of course, had what seemed like everything. But that was not the norm.
Today, it seems, kids have everything. I was thinking about some of the kids I know, both personally, and through my job. These kids have PS 1, 2 and are expecting (and will get) 3. They have Nintendo, and whatever gamimg systems I left out. Not only do they have every kind of toy and amusement, but each has duplicity of them. No, not a spare unit, but a seperate gaming system because, well, just because.
I grew up collecting baseball cards. I would save up money from my paper route, or from returning bottles, or whatever way little kids got money back in the day. I would go and buy 3 nickel packs at a time, because sales tax at that time didn't start until the sale hit .15. Today, if a kid wanted to engage in something as simple as collecting baseball cards, he or she would just go and buy a box, or a complete set.
It makes me wonder. Was the joy in the baseball cards, or in the act of collecting them? If I traded Mickey Mantle for Willie Mays (what am I saying, I'd never trade Mantle for Mays) ok, Jim Fergosi for Nolan Ryan, that was a part of childhood. Kids today almost never would trade, or at least not without consulting a guide. Flipping cards was also an act of gambling and bravado. Today, that would never happen.
We used to play with Hot Wheels cars. I guess kids today do also, but when I go to Wally World, or Target, I usually find adults searching for special cars like Treasure Hunts.
So here's my thoughts: did adults drive kids out of these toys, or did other toys just replace them? Given a choice between using imagination and a hot Wheels car, or a PS 3 version of a racing game, which would it be? Last week, I was at a train show, and someone had a race set hooked up. The old fashioned 1/32 scale race cars. The kids were lined up to have a chance. Would they have done the same for a video? I don't know.
I'm turning into a poor man's versionof Andy Rooney, here.
I'm done writing for now.
I'm going to tell everyone that I'm not buying any more crap for Christmas. I'm just going to give them a few dollars and donate money to help others.

My Guys

TBS is getting into new shows, ala FX and so many other cable networks. The newest show, My Guys, is on Tuesday nights and co-start Jim Gaffigan (the "Hot Pockets"guy) along with some others whose names I don't remember. That's not a big deal really, because I don't remember too many actor's names anyway. The star is some pretty cute blonde chick who is what could be called a tomboy, I guess. Her best female friend is a really cute girly -girl black chick. So far, so good. Her problem is that she has lots of male buddies, so it is difficult for her to have a relationship with a man. They all get so jealous of her relationship with all the other men in her life. OK, the premise is kind of hackneyed. But the supporting cast is pretty good. The star is cute.
I want this show to be good. I really, really want to like this show. I like Jim Gaffigan. I like cute blondes and cute black chicks. But the show is so poorly written that I did not get one good laugh out of the two episodes I watched. The Jim Gaffigan character is great, but he is a bit player at best. The one thing missing is the wacky character. There is no Kramer, no Arthur (from the King of Queens) no brother Robert, or any of the various wacky neighbors, relatives, or friends that seemed to make all the other sitcoms throughout the years work so well. I was kind of hoping it would be Jim Gaffigan, but his character is a laid back, extremely hen-pecked guy. Not quite enough for the laughs a good sitcom needs. I may give the show another chance or two, but that's only because I like the characters so much.
I am going to give this show a provisional rating of 4.5. If I watch a few more episodes and if gets somne tighter writing, and a wacky character or two, the show has 6 or 7 potential.

It's a new month, so here's a quick review of my ratings system:
10--a prime show. The Sopranos or 24 would rate a 10.
9-- definately worth watching. Think South Park or Seinfeld re-runs. Not as funny as the first time, but still great TV fare.
8-- Pretty darn good stuff. If you can't be home, you'd consider setting up the VCR. Some solid 8's would be Earl, or Everybody Hates Chris.
7-- Not quite good enough to tape. But you can look forward to watching. The Office is the first show that comes to mind as a 7.6--
Now we get into the shows that are ok, but only a first choice if other shows are re-runs.
6--You won't mind watching a 6 at a different time. Britcoms are 6's.
5-- Think of a movie you liked, but have seen a dozen times or more.
You'd choose the movie over the program, then the program is a 5. Mash and almost everything on TVLAND has become a 5.4--
4--Crappy show, but with some redeeming quality, like it features hot chicks.
Any show with Pam Anderson would be a 4.
3--Only worth watching if the only alternative is infommercials. Fishing shows are 3.2-- About the same as a good infommercial.
2--QVC is a 2.
1-- Infommercials, unless they are The Knife Collector Show. They sell swords!

Hot Stove Season Kicks Into Gear

Hot stove season, for anyone unfamiliar with the term, is the time of the year when baseball fans used to sit around the general store, or the kitchen, any place where there was source of heat, aka a "hot stove," and discuss trades, possible trades, awards, and just baseball stuff in general.
The season kicked into high gear yesterday when the Yankees traded Gary Sheffield to the Tigers for 3 prospects: Humberto Sanchez, Kevin Whelan and Anthony Claggett.

The latter are single A players, so who knows how they will turn out, but Sanchez is a hard throwing righty, with a chance to make the majors in 2007. He does have a history of injury, but he wouldn't fit in with any Yankees staff of the last few years if he didn't. If, and that may be the biggest word in sports, but if he does as well as he has shown throught his AA and AAA career, he may be a part of the Yankees bullpen in 2007. Couple that with their own top pitching prospect, Philip Hughes, and they may have a staff that more resembles a quality major league staff for the next few years. This is a welcome change from the Saturday afternoon beer keg squad that they have been fielding. Wang and a bunch of guys that used to be good is not enough of a pitching staff. Hughes, Sanchez, and TJ Beam (who showed promise last year,) along with a couple others, and we may be talking about the Yankees staff without laughing.

The other big hot stove news is Daisuke Matsuzaka. You have to know I C&P'ed that name. Anyway, according to rumors (called premature by them) the Boston Red Sox are in the thick of a bidding war to bring this terrific Japanese player to America. Now, this may be different from deals in the past. The team must bid for the right to negotiate with him. That's not his salary, just the money to go to his old team to try to make a deal with him. The bidding is reputed to be in the vicinity of $38 million dollars. Matsuzaka is 26 years old and represented by who else but Scott Boras. He will most likely sign a contract for $7 mil per year for 3 years. That is the Boras way, so that Matsuzaka will get a second chance at free agency in 3 years, at age 29. And make even more money. I have to wonder, though, if he is worth it. Amortizing the big negotiating money over 3 years means that he costs about $13 million without his salary. Add that in, and it comes out to around $20 million per year. That's a lot of Wendy's Frostys. Will he guarantee Boston a pennant? If so, that is a fair price. If not, that is a lot of money down the drain.

And Boss George has been strangely quiet throughout all this. Is it to keep the price down so he can swoop in at the end, or does he think this isn't such a good deal?

One more Yankees rumor, but as of today it is a long shot. Nomar is available. Yankees brass is interested. That would mean all 3 of the greatest shortstops of the 90's would be playing in one infield, two of them at a position other than short. Could be interesting.

The last bit of hot stove news.

Derek Jeter and Robinson Cano each won a Silver Slugger award.

Nobody Ever Died for Dear Old Rutgers

Last night was what some have called the most important game for Rutgers footbal since 1869 (which was the first game in college football history.)
In a stunning come frombehind win, Ruytgers, the Scarlet Knights, beat Loiusville 28-25 with a field goal with only seconds left in the game. Rutgers had missed the field goal, but a penalty gave the kicker another chance, and he booted it straight through the uprights. Depending on which poll, Rutgers had been ranked 13th or 15th, while Louisville was 3rd. This big win has suddenly turned the collegiate football world inside out.
Teams that were out are suddenly in, and whispers from coast to coast ask: "What about Rutgers?"
College football has some ridiculous method of choosing a national champion. Many times, if not most times, the champion is rather arbitrarily chosen. It is rare that one plays two, or any other combination to wind up with an actual winner. The teams are voted upon, and we all know how elections can sometimes turn out.
And this year, Rutgers is undefeated. Because they have not played enough nationally ranked teams, they will receive little to no consideration for a championship.
In the pros, we always have next year, but college players have an even more limited window than the pros. It is hard to build on a college team as so many graduate every year. This looks to be a very special Rutgers team, but barring a miracle collapse by every other top 10 team, they have no shot at a title.
And that is a shame.
It's time for college football to consider some sort of a championship playoff series. Not necessarily more games, but something where the top teams get into the top bowls. It may be too late for Rutgers this year, but at least set it up so tha the next "Cinderella Team" will have a shot at being America's best.


"Nobody Ever Died for Dear Old Rutgers"

Nobody ever died for dear old Rutgers,
Nobody ever had a life to give
When you're clipped by someone in the rear
You hear a mighty cheer,
But you're laid up for a year.
So nobody ever died for dear old Rutgers
Strangely enough they simply want to live
The alumni won't admit it's true, but
Nobody ever died for Rutgers U.


Rutgers, Rutgers, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah, Rah

Nobody ever died for dear old Rutgers,
Giving away your life would be extreme
When the coach says smash the Princeton line,
His reasoning is fine,
But it's no good for your spine,
So nobody ever died for dear old Rutgers
But there's a lot of valor on the team
You can get a little black and blue, but
Nobody ever died for Rutgers U.

Cookin' In Brooklyn

This is another one of those shows that only seems to show up on digital cable systems. I get it on one of the Discovery channels. It does not seem to be on any particular time, but whatever day it is on, it will be on maybe 6 times during that day. Alan Harding owns a few restaurants (did I have to tell you they are in Brooklyn?) and his show sometimes highlights a particular problem he may be having in one of the restaurants. The show has a catchy theme song, and I'm really a sucker for a good theme song. It's hard to think of any really bad show with a good theme song. Though My Mother The Car was a legendary awful show and had a decent theme song. Perhaps that is the exception that proves the rule. Or maybe I just like theme songs about cars. Or TV theme songs in general.
Nevertheless, Cookin' in Brooklyn is a very different type of cooking show. He does cook different recipes, but so far, I haven't seen many that I would ever make at home. He uses a wide variety of ingredients and often, they are things I wouldn't use. He put bacon and pork rinds in his chili!!! Oy vey!!!
The reason I like the show is that he doesn't just cook his recipes, he creates stories around every episode. For example, on the aforementioned chili recipe show, he was watching a football game with his friends. They provided the beer and he provided 4 quarters of food.
He celebrated Bastille Day (I'm not making this up) and had a BBQ with some lamb sausages. Often Alan will go out on the street and offer his creations to passersby.
The show is always interesting, and Alan has such a mild demeanor that it is an almost relaxing show to watch (as opposed to Iron Chef or Emeril--BAM!!)
And, that may be why I try to find the show, even when it is a repeat. The show is funny, and very interesting. It is as much a show as a cooking show. One episode may find Alan riding around in his old pickup truck (not a classic, just a beat up mid-late 90's white Ford) and then he'll be at the docks, then he'll be in his kitchen, all in the pursuit of the perfect fish dinner.
Or he'll organize a sandwich contest--I can't even explain that show, but it sure was entertaining. The show is always dependable for a laugh of two. And while I may not copy his recipes, they do make me think about food in a different way.
And it does have a kick-ass theme song.
I rate it a 6.8.
Here's a link with some of his recipes.
http://home.discovery.com/fansites/cookininbrooklyn/recipes/recipe_index.html

Borat: Cultural Learnings Movie

Ok, the official title of the movie is Borat: Cultural Learnings of America for Make Benefit Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan . The title is too long for the page top.
The Crotchety Old Lady and I went to see the movie today. We went to the 11:35 a.m. showing. Believe it or not, the theater still had quite a few attendees. I would estimate it as being at least half full. I guess that is a fair crowd for a Sunday morning.
On to the film, a mocumentary of epic stature...
It reminded me of Airplane, a comedy with constant jokes. One after the next. Many of the scenes from the movie have already been shown both on TV and various internet sites, but I can assure you that the funniest scene from the movie, possibly the funniest scene from any movie ever, has not been shown yet. The Old lady laughed so hard that tears rolled down her cheeks. I feared that she was going to have a seizure as she apparently couldn't breathe. And she was not the only one. I have heard laughter in a theater before, but never quite like this. In fact, she told me afterwards that this one scene was worth the price of admission.
As far as the rest of the movie, the jokes came so fast and so often that I am sure I missed some. Rapid fire comedy at its best. Just be sure that you go to the restroom before the movie. If you get up during it, you may miss a few dozen really funny lines. And no way, you could ever ask someone, "What did I miss?" It would take too long, and you would miss another dozen laughs just trying to catch up.
I plan to see this movie again, it was that funny. And Pam Anderson had a nice role in it, so you know I am a huge fan already.
By the way, the movie is not family entertainment. It is rated "R" and deserves it. But it isn't a movie that gets its laughs from "blue" language. It uses comedic situations that transcend the one joke "guy from a foreign country who misunderstands English" humor that you often see in these movies. In fact, the funniest scenes would be funny even with different characters. The movie is so very well written. To paraphrase the words of Borat, "It has just enough Anti-semeticism."
It may even have you singing the Kazakhstan National Anthem as you leave the theater.

I rate it a solid 9.58.

I Pity the Fool

Mr. T is back on TV. I have to admit, I would watch anything with Mr. T on it. If it was a show with Mr. T just sitting on a stool and talking, I'm there. A cooking show where all he makes is cheeseburgers--I'm there. You can get the picture. I am a huge Mr. T fan. He is perhaps the funniest tough guy to ever get on TV. Whether he is telling someone to stop the jibber jabber (a Mr. T trademark expression) or running around calling everybody a fool, Mr. T is just the best.
In his new show on TVLand, Mr. T helps people with their problems. And he does it with his own inimitable Mr. T style. For example, in one episode, a car dealership is struggling, so they call in Mr. T to raise morale. He motivates the staff and even helps sell a couple cars himself. Nothing is funnier than Mr. T helping his customer negotiate with the dealership's sales manager.
Another episode featured Mr. T helping out a dance school. The parents and the dance school teacher/proprietor were at odds. He helped them all get on the same page for the benefit of the kids.
Each episode has a "warm fuzzy" factor of 10+. Mr. T is like a big old teddy bear. Listening to him speak, though, he either has fantastic writers, or he is a much more educated man than he has portrayed in the past. He quotes classic literature and philosophers equally well.
But the show does have some serious flaws. In the dance show, the kids welcomed him like he was a pop star. Since he has been more or less out of the spotlight for the last 20 years, it just seemed so contrived. Sure, Mr. T was a big star, but these kids had never seen him on TV except on TVLand repeats. And even then, the show is only on once a day during the week. I just don't believe these kids had any idea who he is. Maybe it's just the skeptic in me.
And, Mr. T does get a little corny as he actually participates in the dance recital. He organizes a car wash and goes out into the street to draw people into the car wash. He is pretty funny yelling at the cars as they go by.
I've seen 3 episodes, so far. Each one is as great as the next. Mr. T helps a real estate office in Brooklyn, a dance studio in Allentown, Pennsylvania, and a car dealership (I think it was in NYC.)
Overall, though, the show is great. It's hard to rate it due to my absolute nearly child-like admiration for Mr. T.
It is a very solid 8.6. The only reason it didn't rate higher is because it is on so many times (like all basic cable programming) and it is hard to look forward to it when I never really know when it is on. Or what episode is going to be repeated endlessly. Have I mentioned that I like Mr. T?

A quick review of my ratings system:
10--a prime show. The Sopranos or 24 would rate a 10.
9-- definately worth watching. Think South Park or Seinfeld re-runs. Not as funny as the first time, but still great TV fare.
8-- Pretty darn good stuff. If you can't be home, you'd consider setting up the VCR. Some solid 8's would be Earl, or Everybody Hates Chris.
7-- Not quite good enough to tape. But you can look forward to watching. The Office is the first show that comes to mind as a 7.
6-- Now we get into the shows that are ok, but only a first choice if other shows are re-runs. You won't mind watching a 6 at a different time. Britcoms are 6's.
5-- Think of a movie you liked, but have seen a dozen times or more. You'd choose the movie over the program, then the program is a 5. Mash and almost everything on TVLAND has become a 5.
4-- Crappy show, but with some redeeming quality, like it features hot chicks. Any show with Pam Anderson would be a 4.
3-- Only worth watching if the only alternative is infommercials. Fishing shows are 3.
2-- About the same as a good infommercial. QVC is a 2.
1-- Infommercials, unless they are The Knife Collector Show. They sell swords!

TGIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank God It's Xanax!!!!!!!!!!

My better half, the Crotchety Old Lady is extra cranky in the morning, and lately, has been really cranky all day long.

She has been going through a lot of personal strife and she has been letting it get to her. (imagine living with me every day--and I'm one of the bright spots lol) So, after all these many days of sadness, she has gone to see her doctor. He believes that she is beginning to get depressed. And he prescribed Xanax for her.

What a change it has made in her life!!! No longer is she a cranky wench in the morning. She has actually smiled in the morning for the first time since I met her. She still has many issues to deal with on a daily basis, but at least she is able to cope with them. We both are against medication unless absolutely necessary, but we are pretty glad that she made this choice.

It has been suggested (by her and anyone who knows me) that I would benefit from some drug therapy, but for now, I'm going to resist.

I already have such a sunny disposition and optimistic outlook, why mess with it? I wish I had a font for sarcasm.

Putting my usual real world outlook of impending doom and suicidal tendencies aside, I do intend to look into this medication for myself. I guess I'm just afraid I'll turn into a grinning idiot instead of the somber idiot that I usually am.

Little People, Big World

This show is on TLC (The Learning Channel.) I'm not sure when it is on, but like most shows on cable, each episode is repeated endlessly. So, if you miss one, not to worry, it will be on 6 more times in the next month. The family featured in this reality show (yeah, I'm addicted to the genre) is the Roloffs. Dad, Matt, and Mom, Amy, are two little people who married and started a family. They have 4 kids. Three are average while one of the twins has the dwarfism gene. Each show features some of the challenges faced by little people (Matt also has a disability) but the best part is that it shows family interplay that has nothing to do with the size of their bodies. One recent double episode featured the family trip to Hawaii. Matt, who is driven to guide his kids to have the best possible childhood squeezed in a month's worth of fun and activity into a week or so. The family took a zip line trip, scuba dived, surfed and went shopping. I was exhausted just watching them. Matt had a very limited childhood due to his various illnesses and his physical limitations. He is trying to ensure that his kids have no such limitations. He also wants to be sure that they never miss an opportunity to try new things. The shows are very fun yet thought-provoking. I rate this show a very solid 6. http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/lpbw/lpbw.html

Gene Simmons Family Jewels

I've seen a bunch of episodes. Celebreality is not my favorite thing. I never tune in, it is usually the Crotchety Old Lady who turns on the channel. But, once it is on, I just can't turn away. I'm not sure whether it is the numerous beautiful women (especially Shannon Tweed, Gene's long-time lover and mother to his 2 kids) or the fact that Gene Simmons is funny. Not in the sense of a comic funny, but that he is just goofy. I meant that as a compliment. He's like a buddy you would like to hang out with. He is always up to something, and mixes in a lot of fun. Gene is involved with a million (at last count) business ventures. In a way, he is like Ralph Kramden, assuming Ralph was an 80's rock god.The episode I saw last featured Gene's newest venture--the launch of "Gene Simmons Bikini Car Wash." What's not to like? Beautiful women in bikinis washing cars. I want my own franchise. But I digress. The show is just plain entertaining. His two kids are absolutely wonderful. They are both well aware of the camera and love to make fun of their dad. Usually, you sense that they really do care about him. They know that Gene isn't the average dad.And Gene throws money around. One episode, he went to a spa with Shannon. It was a health based exercise, and not what he thought it was going to be. Almost no food, no TV, no fun, and he slept in a seperate room from Shannon. Naturally, he heavily bribed a staff member to bring him junk food and a TV from outside the compound.Of course, Shannon caught him, so some of the hi-jinks appear to be rather contrived.Gene's office is featured very prominently in many episodes. The office is in his palatial home and he has on display tons of Kiss items. While some of it is real memorabilia, most of it is Kiss Dolls, comics, and all the assorted crap licensed by Kiss. Gene's family is great, and the behind the scenes glance at this marketing maven is interesting (no one word will really do justice and convey the feeling) I'm going to rate this show a very solid 7.69.

The Soup

This show on E has been the launching pad for stars. Greg Kinnear was the old host years ago when it was called "Talk Soup." Today it is hosted by Joel McHale and just called the Soup. The show is a wrap-up of all the goofy moments from shows on many different channels. The best (worst?) of reality shows in less than 5 minutes. All those hours and hours of daytime talk shows that no one can sit through? You get the best in about 3 minutes. It is 22 minutes of funny clips with some very short skits done by the show's writers.
I consider it can't miss TV.
I rate it very highly, a very solid 8.

Stupid Yankees

Less than 24 hours after the biggest sports debacle in recent Yankees history, I sit here and still try to figure out what happened.
I can understand them getting beaten. In a short series, anything can happen. Look at the red-hot Twins getting knocked out in 3 games. Never expected that. Who would have? Espcially considering the A's were pretty much off the radar all year long. Few, if any, even thought of them as a post season force. And the Cardinals, who were all but given up for dead just a few weeks ago, can clinch today. Pretty much unexpected.
But, never in a million years would I have predicted that the Yankees got beaten the way they did. They scored in just 3 innings in the last 27+. Damon hit a 3 run blast for all the offense against Kenny Rogers.
Kenny Rogers? The nearly washed-up old man, who hasn't beaten the Yankees since 1993.

Then they were shut out by a rookie.
And, the biggest humiliation of all was the final game., Another rookie shut them down. I saw the veteran team, the guys who were part of the greatest offense ever assembled, looking like an overmatched group of Sunday afternoon beer leaguers.
Maybe they could have taken a pitch? Just a thought.
Bonderman pitched a 7 pitch 1st inning. And he was into the 5th having thrown less than 50 pitches. May have been less than 40, even.
What the hell was up with this team? And Williams, Sheffield (twice, last I looked) struck out on pitches that were at least a foot out of the strike zone. Hell, Williams needed a friggin golf club to hit the one he struck out on. And Sheffield would have missed if he had a friggin tennis racket.

Should I shred my A-Rod Jersey, or just burn it? Or should I do both?

Antiques Roadshow

PBS is the little channel that could. In between the many beg-a-thons, some decent programming takes place. I'm a big fan of the Britcoms, particularly the older ones like Fawlty Towers. But they have to provide many hours of programming, so, this show comes on. The crew of expert antique appraisers show up in a town and every booger eating moron within hailing distance shows up with some stuff they have had in their attic since Truman was President. The appraisers then, well, give an appraisal. It is interesting to learn about all the stuff, but it just pisses me off at the reaction the people have.
For example, some yahoo shows up with some original artwork done by Grandma Moses. His family bought it many years ago from Grandma herself. Probably paid about 10 bucks. The appraiser gives an estimate of 5 or 6 figures and Goober is so surprised. What friggin rock was Goober living under so that he had no idea an original piece of artwork by a reknowned artist would be worth mega-bucks? And worse yet, why did he wait for Antiques Roadshow to arrive? If I had a major piece of artwork, I sure as hell would have at least been aware of its incredible value.
I'll have to give this show 2 seperate ratings.
It gets an 8 for educational purposes. But, for the incredibly dumb reactions from the yahoos, it gets a 5.
Overall, it would be a 6.5.

A quick review of my ratings system:
10--a prime show. The Sopranos or 24 would rate a 10.
9-- definately worth watching. Think South Park or Seinfeld re-runs. Not as funny as the first time, but still great TV fare.
8-- Pretty darn good stuff. If you can't be home, you'd consider setting up the VCR. Some solid 8's would be Earl, or Everybody Hates Chris.
7-- Not quite good enough to tape. But you can look forward to watching. The Office is the first show that comes to mind as a 7.
6-- Now we get into the shows that are ok, but only a first choice if other shows are re-runs. You won't mind watching a 6 at a different time. Britcoms are 6's.
5-- Think of a movie you liked, but have seen a dozen times or more. You'd choose the movie over the program, then the program is a 5. Mash and almost everything on TVLAND has become a 5.
4-- Crappy show, but with some redeeming quality, like it features hot chicks. Any show with Pam Anderson would be a 4.
3-- Only worth watching if the only alternative is infommercials. Fishing shows are 3.
2-- About the same as a good infommercial. QVC is a 2.
1-- Infommercials, unless they are The Knife Collector Show. They sell swords!

Deal or No Deal

I usually review shows NOT on major networks, but this show deserves a review. It is hosted by Howie Mandel, the germophobe. You won't see anyone hugging or kissing the host. He won't even shake hands with them. He does this knuckle-punch thing.
The show has a lot going for it. It features really big prize money. Each episode has a top prize of $1,000,000, and special ones have been as high as $6 million. No one has ever won that much, but they have had episodes where players won many hundreds of thousands of dollars.
Premise is very simple: 26 cases, each with a dollar amount from 1 penny up to a million bucks. Player chooses one case. Then, by opening the others, has to try to figure out how much is in their own. Along the way, the villian, "the banker" offers them money for their case. The amount he offers is based upon their odds of having a big prize amount.
For example, suppose at the end of the game, there are 2 cases left, the player's and one of the others. And every amount has been shown except the million and a dollar. The banker would offer maybe $500,000. (it's not always so cut and dried, but that is more or less how the odds are determined.)
The player has the option to either take the money or keep the case.
The game can get very exciting. I've seen players turn down huge, life changing amounts of cash to get zonked and wind up with almost nothing.
I've also seen the players at some point in the game sell their case, and get a huge return when the case only contained a few bucks. It's about 99.9997851% pure dumb luck.
And, of course, it features 26 really hot women dressed in classy formal attire.
It takes about 15 minutes to discover all the nuances of the game, and after that you realize that it is fun, nothing more. This ain't Jeopardy. It's not even a dumbed-down version of Wheel of Fortune. Any booger eating moron can become a millionaire. The skills can be learned in about 5 minutes or less.

I love this show.

I rate it a 9, just because it is so exciting and because Layla, case girl number 13, is a smoking hot honey.

Rooting for the bully

The Yankees won their 9th straight pennant last night, and as a Yankee fan, it is pretty much old hat. SSDD. But, I always hear and read from fans of other teams snarky comments about the payroll, etc. The Yankees do have an unfair advantage because they have the highest payroll, by far.
So, what is the answer? The Yankees have invested vast sums of money into the team. Boss George spends every penny he can to make the team better. I remember years ago, when he wanted to get Tommy John in pinstripes, he took John on a whirlwind tour of NYC that was not really done much before that. Today, it is standard procedure, but George was the first one to really "court" free agents like Reggie and Tommy John.
The first big free agent, Jim "Catfish" Hunter signed with the Yankees because George saw the advantages of free agency and took advantage of them. George understands that victories=money. You can walk into any city in America and find Yankees fans. The franchise is the most famous in the world, which means you can walk into almost any country and find Yankees fans buying Yankees hats, shirts, and everything else. I wonder how many Kansas City Royals hats were sold in Japan last year?
I'm not only rooting for the same team I've supported for many years, but I'm helping to share the American ideal whereby hard work and smart business pratices are rewarded.
Kind of makes you want to wave an American flag while wearing an A-Rod jersey, doesn't it?