Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Attack of the Ninja Turtle

Attack of the Ninja Turtles

I may have mentioned this before, but I’m not a “nature” person. I went camping once in my life. I was in a camper so it wasn’t exactly roughing it, but it was way more rustic than I wanted.


I lasted about 4 hours before I went out and found a hotel.

It was a crappy hotel but at least it was reasonably far from nature.

Don’t get the wrong idea. I can watch nature on TV, and I like to look at it when I’m driving by in my car.

You can clearly see nature in the background.

Back to the topic at hand, the Ninja Turtle of Death.

I live about 100 yards from a heavily traveled major highway. I’m in a development that is mostly asphalt. I am perfectly shielded from nature. Or so I thought. I was lulled into a complete sense of complacency when one day, and sitting right in my yard


Sorry, that is Sophie the diabetic cat. She can be mean, but she’s not part of nature.

Ok, here it is, the vicious wild animal that was lurking in my yard.

Notice the menacing glare

I ran inside and told the Crotchety Old Lady that we were under attack. Nature was at the doorstep. I feared for my life. No one is safe from turtle attacks.

I did some turtle attack research on the web, and found a lot of information on these bloodthirsty reptiles. Family pets can turn into a snack.

In December of 2007, in China, one particularly ferocious turtle dove from an 8 story building onto a car. I’m sure it’s intent was to cause mayhem and destruction in its bloodlust driven rage. Fortunately, no one was injured--that time.

It’s now the height of turtle season.

Be careful out there.

Coming soon: The murderous turkeys of Union County, NJ


AmyOops said...

that poor turtle, instead of crotchety old man yells at cars, he will be yelling at the turtle..

Da Old Man said...

@ Amy: That turtle is a dangerous wild animal. Nature doesn't belong in my yard.

April said...

it's all fun and games till a turtle snaps and arm off!

shyne said...

LOL.......luckily, they don't move too fast.

Unknown said...

Knowing Jersey as I do, I know how such an overrun of nature can be shocking. We used to have to field trip to Stokes Forest to see trees. :) And my more rural friends here in Pennsylvania laugh at me, as I'm delighted to see things like cows and sheep and horses up close.

Da Old Man said...

@ April: exactly

@ Shyne: That's what they want you to believe

@ Jenn: I used to take my daughter to Lancaster so we could see nature and moo at it.

Anonymous said...

So then, what did you do about the offending turtle? Is it still out there menacing you and the kitty?


Da Old Man said...

@ Bobbie: I called animal services and it took forever for him to show up. I hid in the house until they showed.

Anonymous said...

You didn't start the grill for turtle soup?

Da Old Man said...

@ Susie: No way. I wouldn't go near that beast. Didn't you see the look in his eyes? An alpha predator.

Chelle Blögger said...

Hahaha, turtle soup mmmm! :p

Chelle Blögger said...

Oh, and you would not enjoy my lifestyle at all. I seek out one on one time with much more dangerous predators than turtles, just for my own sick and twisted pleasure. :)

Da Old Man said...

@ offended: No way. I like to be as far from nature as possible. Though zoos are ok. Caged nature.

~*~Shadow.Kat~*~ said...

On the plus side, it made for a great photo!

I love your cat!

MYM said...

That's a cute turtle! Not very ninja looking you big girl you.

Da Old Man said...

@ Shadow: It's my sister's cat. Was my mom's but she passed away.

@ Drowsey: I'm a manly man, but just not into outdoorsey stuff.

Roufa Tav Gosou & Mimi Lass said...

There is a (million) reason(s) we don't inhabit caves any more!

Our friend the Azinuth used to have a mean diabetic cat! They didn't know what was wrong with her until she died and the vet found sugar crystals in her brain!

Anonymous said...

Just so you know, ninja turtles can easily be subdued with pizza and female news reporters. QED.