Monday, June 30, 2008

Monday Morning News Blues

I have a number of things that just piss me off. Yeah, I know, you're surprised because I'm always just so damned mellow. All my RW friends just fell off their chairs. Give them a moment to get back up.

I usually start my morning watching Fox infotainment. It almost gives me the latest news, or at least it hints at the highlights. I know, if the world ends, they will mention it in between stories about puppies and Miley Cyrus, Jamie Lynn Spears, or whoever is the Bubblehead of the day.

That was rude of me. I'm sure Ms. Spears and Ms. Cyrus are absolutely charming and brilliant. I fully expect them to simultaneously discover a cure for cancer or some other disease in between tour dates.


You know what grinds my gears? (I was long overdue for Family Guy reference) I may be the only one, but I read the news scrolling along the bottom, and everything else on the screen.
I'm reasonably sure no one else does, because whoever types all that crap out can't spell. No, I'm not talking about the people who type the feed for the closed captioning as the announcers are talking. That's easy to get wrong. By the way, sometimes those mistakes are hilarious. They just get words so wrong. I totally understand that. It's a hard job, and impossible to make corrections because the live feed just doesn't stop.

No, I refer to the text that either accompanies stories, or scrolls along the bottom, updating as appropriate. On ESPN or another sports channel, it gives constant scores, which is pretty useful because I hate waiting for the baseball scores through stories about the new professional Frolf (it's a real sorta sport) league action or whatever nonsense they use to fill up the time when not reporting about baseball or football.

Today, accompanying a story in which someone apologized, the story spelled the word apologies. Oh yeah, it said, "Country apologies for" followed by whatever it was.

A few days ago, the weather scrolled across the screen. Rain was predicted, but we could expect the son to come out later that day. Either that was a very religious person predicting the end of the world, and the appearance of the Son


or is it someone who should not have that job?

Even more upsetting to me is that the regular person typing out the sports scores on my NY affiliate of Fox, spells my favorite team the Yankes. Oy vay.

Ok, and I just saw it scroll across my screen that the price of milk will go up. This will affect, and I'm not making this up, "milk-related products like cheese."

WTF? Who writes this stuff? What dunderhead proofreads this? Does anyone ever look at it after it hits the screen? Is cheese related to milk? What is it, the ugly cousin who has a nice personality, and needs a date?

Lastly, another person was shot. I'm sure the guy was very nice, an upstanding citizen, and an all around good person. But, I noticed that every single time tragedy strikes, it is only to that type of person.

Ok, the news station is not going to risk lawsuits over anything. But holy cow, last year some guy was killed who had an arrest record a mile long. It was spread over 10 years and included more than 40 convictions. You guessed it, he was a nice guy, hard working, a neighborhood guy with a smile for everyone. Plenty ask why do bad things happen to good people. I just want to know why they never happen to bad people.


shyne said...

I read those scrolls, too.
Some of those mistakes make the banner worth reading. Abit of humor in an otherwise depressing "update".
OK, maybe that's strange, but you have to laugh at"milk-related products like cheese."

I just saw a banner saying the Freedom Tower is going to cost more than originally, is that news???? Honestly, did anyone expect it wouldn't?

Anonymous said...

The son will come out... tomorrow...


Da Old Man said...

@ Shyne: that stuff just makes me LOL.

@ Benny: Getting ready to launch your singing career? :)

Unknown said...

It's true that serial killers have neighbors who are interviewed by the news and always say how nice and quiet a neighbor the serial killer was. In fact, based on the news being the neighbor of a serial killer guarantees a nice quiet neighborhood.

Also when bad things happen in any neighborhood, people ALWAYS say on the news how "they never expected something like that to happen here."

I swear, if I were ever interviewed on the news I would resist that cliche with every fiber of my being. :)

G. said...

No benny is going to overthrow Dr Phil and take his crown as King T.V Psychologist.

Bradley said...

Old Man, I can't believe any of this surprises you. You are obviously to busy reading the words on the bottom to hear what the dunderheads are actually saying.

Da Old Man said...

@ Jenn: I hope to get interviewed some day. I will be "Hell, everybody thought he was crazy. We all knew it was a matter of time. We were just surprised he was thoughtful enough to do it during the day so the screams didn't wake us up."

@ g: Benny may secretly be Dr. Phil.

@ Bradley: I multi-task. :)

Anonymous said...

@ G - You got it!
@ Da Old Man -- Nahh 0 I got my hair!

MYM said...

The son ... ahahaha. I bet they do it on purpose, I know I would.

Kelly Ann said...

Perhaps the one who write the son will come out tomorrow, was some very desperate, fully preggo woman, ready to get 'er done. LOL

~*~Shadow.Kat~*~ said...

Anyone who relies on Fox for news is probably not too likely to be able to spell anyway, so they figured they'd save a few bucks by hiring someone with no education, for minimum wage.

Meh, just a guess. :-P

This Brazen Teacher said...

I didn't know crotchety old men knew what "wtf" stood for. I'm impressed.

Greg said...

I read the scrolls on the bottom, when I can stand to watch the news at all. LOVE the typos...always makes it more interesting.

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