Monday, July 14, 2008

Rebel Without a Clue

I’m extra crotchety today. I’m not sure why, I guess it’s just some cyclical thing. Some close friends have noticed I seem to be ok for about 6 weeks or so, and then BAM! I’m either horribly depressed or incredibly angry.

Depression is anger turned inward, so I guess being extra crotchety is the same side of the same coin, or whatever the dopey saying is.

Anyway, I feel the need to be my rebellious self today and lash out at the world.

I began to make a list of some things I could do to release this anger:

1. Tear the tags off mattresses -- too cliché
2. Write a letter to my Congressperson --too Republican
3. Join a think tank group-- too Democratic
4. Make fun of Richard Simmons --too easy
5. Make phony phone calls -- too childish (even for me)

Finally, it hit me. I need to protest something.

Not sure what yet, though


Until I come up with a cause to lash out against and unleash venom mercilessly, I’ll just put forth some of the weird things I think about every day.

Lou Gehrig died from Lou Gehrig’s disease. Shouldn’t he have seen that coming?

And that gets me wondering if any famous people of today will have diseases named after them.

I’m pretty sure of one, Pauly Shore. This disease, to be called Pauly Shore Syndrome (or PSS) is quite insidious. It’s not deadly, but it does affect one’s judgment. The chief symptom is that the afflicted find Pauly Shore amusing, tolerable, or, in the end stages of the disease, funny.

You’ll notice his girlfriend, pictured above, is happy to be with him. Obviously, she is an unfortunate victim.

Other victims of PSS include those who think Carrot Top is funny, and of course, everyone in the studio audience of The Price Is Right.

I’d never be in the audience for that show, because, well, it would take all my inner fortitude to not say, “Drew, how in the hell would I know the price for that lovely, highly decorative, and collectible aardvark print?”


Until someone can suggest a cause for me, I’ll spend the rest of the day watching Pauly Shore movies until either I find something funny in them, or blood shoots out of my ears from my brain exploding.

Should I stuff cotton balls in my ears, or just wear a diaper over my head, buuuuuuudy?

And have a Happy Bastille Day, if you're into celebrating stuff.


Simon Jester said...

I want a couple of full test tubes of the Pauly Shore virus or germ or whatever. If it gets you girls like that, I'm hoping to become a carrier.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who Pauly Shore is, and I don't want to know. As to The Price is Right, I've never seen one, but If it's anything like Deal or No Deal, I understand the blood-shooting-out-of-the-ears thing. My mother subjects me to that one every time I visit her. AAAAGGGHHHH!!!!

As to the cause to protest, I find it's the little things in life that really get to you. So. I have one word for ya.


shyne said...

Aw, even when Crotchety is Extra Crotchety, he's a good read.

LOL...I had to google Carrot Top.
I think I must live in a cave, I never heard of him!

Chat Blanc said...

Is it also a symptom of PSS that your career tanks?

And, it seems in females (at least Pauly's girlfriend and all the screaming women on Price is Right) it presents with blindness and mental defficiencies. But I bet the support group meetings are a fun time.

Anonymous said...

How 'bout stand outside a beautician school and tell the cusotmers how they really look, or lead a panel to judges the judges of American idol.

Da Old Man said...

@ Don: You don't need the virus. Just have Pauly's Mom adopt you.

@ Jay: Deal or no Deal is waaaay better. Take my word for that.

@ Shyne: Carrot Top is the punchline for almost every bad comedian joke. But I won't make fun of him because he works out big time, and looks like a demented Lou Ferrigno.

@ Sandy: The audience from the Price is Right should fight the audience from Ellen (can you tell I watch a lot of TV?)
And then neuter them all.

@ Dr. Rob: I'd be afraid to do that. Even when Mrs. Crotchety comes home from the Beauty Shop looking like she has a gopher on her head, I tell her it looks nice.

This Brazen Teacher said...

I don't know if this would qualify- but I just wrote a post on Freedom of Speech and it's relevance to last week's Wordless Wednesday

Yes this post doubles as a shameless plug. Take it as a compliment ;-)

Unknown said...

Pauly Shore was clearly under his own syndrome when he selected that swimsuit...

Just sayin'. :)

Da Old Man said...

@ Brazen: It works for me.

@ Jenn: At least it's not a mankini.

Rubba said...

When did they put Pauly's head on Tom Arnold's body?. . . :-O

Kelly said...

Damn, that girls has a nice rack. What in the hell is she doing with that doof, Pauly Shore?

Hey baby, I've got a bigger gut and I'm a lot funnier than Pauly Snore. Come over to my house. We can eat cheetos in bed. Heh heh.

Da Old Man said...

@ Rubba: Same time they put Carrot Top's head on Arnold Shwarzenegger's body.

@ Kelly: If she ate Cheetos in bed with everyone funnier than Pauly, her fingers would be permanently orange.

Skye B said...

Well, this one has been bothering me for several years now, since it has been about that long I have been dealing with it.....THE MEDICAL FIELD!...HOSPITALS! In the past 2 years I have been hospitalized at least 10 times, not counting Rehabs. They are REALLY BAD!!

I think you could do something very funny on just how bad the Medical Field is today, and the very stupid things they do. Also, if you don't know your welcome to ask me. :)

Da Old Man said...

@ Skye: I have posted several times on how bad the medical field is today. I'm sorry for all you have gone through. Since 2004, I've been in 4 or 5 times (lost count) and spent a total of around 3 months.

GetSmartGal said...

I am so sorry to have to tell you this but it sounds like you have Male PMS...but on the bright side it hits every 6 weeks as opposed to once a month (there's always a silver lining somewhere) hahah

And for you it makes you damn funny!! I was going to comment about the gut/chicken legs on Pauly but Rubba beat me to it- and note those shorts aren't much better than a mankini! :)

Da Old Man said...

@ GetSmartgirl: I saw an episode of Yes Dear (I watch a lot of TV) show and the guy had male menopause. Hmmm. :)

Anonymous said...

I don't have a clue who he is but I can tell you right now that his choice of bathing suits is indicative of very bad taste. BTW he wouldn't ever get close enough to me to infect me with anything he has.

Da Old Man said...

@ TT: He is a guy who was a comic. Not the greatest, not even really good. But his mom was one of the most powerful women in the business. He got breaks others would not have gotten. He eventually went on to make a bunch of movies. They ranged from not too good, all the way down to awful.

Howard Bannister said...

And Happy Bastille Day back atcha.

I have the worst celebrity birthday karma ever. Not only on the same day that I was born, but the same date, February 1, 1968, you've got:

1) Me.
2) Pauly Shore.
3) Lisa Marie Presley.

I'm choosing to think that I got all of the charm and common sense.

Da Old Man said...

@ Howard: I'd go with your theory.