Two fer Tuesday is Back

I read a lot of blogs, so I like the idea of sharing some of them.

One I enjoy is kind of hard to describe.
Graham at www.adullamite.blogspot.com/ writes a blog that more or less contains his thoughts on a variety of subjects. He has a very dry sense of humor, and touches on such subjects as sports (well, UK ones, so I have no idea what he's writing about, but he still keeps it interesting) learning to drive, looking for work (and hoping he doesn't find it, I believe) some nice photos of the countryside, history, recipes, and so much more. It's very well written, and he updates frequently.

My second choice is one of the can't miss blogs for me, Dani at www.momscrazylife.com/

6 kids, a full time job as a nurse, an almost unnatural love for her inner sanctum known as the bathroom, along with a propensity for attracting weird and obnoxious strangers during her shopping expeditions (shopping with 1 kid --a trip to the store; 6 kids--an expedition) and successful sitcoms have been done based on less. She recently was featured in a magazine, and is a riot. Her life seems to be a chaotic whirlwind, and I get exhausted just reading about her days. Yet she always seems to find the humor in some of the most difficult situations. This is not your typical Mom blog.

I hope you enjoy these blogs.

And make sure you stop by tomorrow for the weekly Caption This, and, of course, the beginning of Humorbloggers World Domination Week.

I'm working on a special contest in the near future. Is chocolate a good prize?

They are taking over the world at:
www.humorbloggers.com

More Hospital Stories

Everyone loves a good "Crotchety in the hospital" story. And of course, the more humiliating, the more youse seem to enjoy it.

So, there I am, laying in bed, watching The Price Is Right, and in pops an official looking woman of unknown ethnicity. She is dragging a rather large piece of equipment behind her and has some other frightening looking apparatus with her.

Immediately, she indicates that I need to expose my naughty bits so she can rub this large machine over them.

I'm intrigued, yet concerned.

It's been well documented that I can be what may be described as "Non-compliant." But I have good reasons. I swear, those wacky hospital personnel will kill you if you're not careful. So, naturally, I ask why she needs to rub this probe type thing from the large machine on my naughty bits. She explains that it won't touch them



Naturally, I want to know why I'm being tested. She needs to check my bladder. So, basically, I get jabbed with this probe thing while she reads the results on the machine. Turns out it was fine. So, she packs up everything, including what looks like a 50' garden hose.

"So, what's with the garden hose?"

Oh, that's for your catherization.

But everything seemed perfect. She told me that she would be back.

I was worried now.

The next day, during Price is Right, there she was again, with her huge machine and the garden hose. Again, everything was fine.

Next day, same routine, but by now I'm starting to get annoyed, and the garden hose is looking even bigger. So, I ask her why is she checking my bladder every day?

She said it was to make sure I was urinating.

So, me, ever the diplomat, said, "Wouldn't those huge bottles of golden yellow liquid I'm filling every day give you a f'ing clue?"

So, for the rest of my couple weeks, she would drag machine and the garden hose to my door, I would yell at her, and she would go on her way. And I got written up as non complant again.

This may be your last chance to subscribe to Deb's feeds. Don't miss your opportunity.




They enjoy having garden hoses shoved in their naughty bits at:
www.humorbloggers.com

Things I Wonder About Late Saturday Night

Warning: Mild Smiley Nudity

Did you ever have an image stuck in your head, and it just never goes away? I have several of those, and most involve naked women. And, no, the images are not pleasant ones.

Many years ago, I had a part time job delivering pizza. Yes, it was humiliating and horrible, and while every 3rd porn movie starts with a guy delivering a pizza, my experiences were quite different.

One night, the local nursing home called to have a pizza delivered for some staff members on the 2nd floor. The second floor is where the more, uhhmm, "interesting" patients lived. So, I made my way through the building, and went to the second floor. By the way, this was not exactly the cleanest nursing home, so it smelled like a baby's diaper. A really sick baby's diaper that hadn't been changed in a very long while.

Anyway, while waiting for the person who ordered to show up, I stood around and tried to ignore the residents. But one kept yelling, "Hey, Big Guy!" Finally, I looked at her, and asked her what she wanted. She immediately whipped off her shirt, and put one of those images in my mind I have never been able to get rid of.



And then, a few years ago, I was in a nursing home outside area, minding my own business, and some resident named Angela, who could have been Rosie O'Donnell's really, really, really old body double started calling to me. "Hey, Big Guy!" Now you'd think I would have learned my lesson years ago. But Noooooooooooooo. I had to look and ask her what she wanted.

And yes, once again, I was treated to the image of a topless really old woman.



And the last image--I was at a yard sale, looking through someone's junk, because hey, that's what people in NJ do on weekend's. Some of us put all our crap on our lawns, while others look through it, and save it up so in a few years we can put it on our front lawns.

Anyway, some "shopper" offered a lower price on some junk to a woman who had been dragging her junk out since dawn's early light, and obviously had a liquid breakfast.

Rather than a simple no, the "seller" started yelling, and ripped her shirt off and demanded the "buyer" take the f'ing shirt off her back while she was at it. She then chased the poor "buyer" back to her car, and sadly, her bra did not fully do the job it had been designed for.

Please pass the brain bleach.

Don't forget to sign up for Deb's feeds. Time is running out on the bargain of the year.




http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Weekend update, fashion advice and more

It's common knowledge that no one knows fashion like Da Old Man does. Seriously. Just ask any of my RL friends and they will confirm that my socks always match, not only each other, but whatever I'm wearing. White socks go with everything, right?

Ok, I'll 'fess up. On the rare occasions that I actually wear pants, they have to be picked out by the Crotchety Old Lady, or who knows what combination I'll come up with.

During my recent journey through the cyber world I've seen a lot of bloggers posting about the Emmy fashions. I like to read these things because, to be honest, they can be pretty funny. One of my favorite fashionistas is Kate at Life As I Know It:
While reading her most recent Emmy wrap up
http://onlifeasiknowit.blogspot.com/2008/09/emmy-slam-2008-preview.html


I saw this:



Even I know how wrong that is.

It was another big week on the award front. I received the


from Ettarose at http://ettarose-edgeofsanity.blogspot.com/

You will notice she is a member of my ever growing blogroll, which is readily acknowledged as the list of some of the finest blogs in the blogosphere.

I am happy to pass this along to one who is truly evil, and you didn't hear it from me, but she is trying to take over the internet. Look in the next week or so for her evil plan for world domination.

Chelle the Offended Blogger (http://www.offendedblogger.com/) and the Cabal Leader at http://www.humorbloggers.com/ is helpful and kind, and that is her cover for her true evilness.

And don't forget to sign up for Deb's feed. I hate to see a young woman cry, though I'll admit it's kind of refreshing when it isn't my fault. Still, the right thing to do is sign up. You don't want my evilness unleashed upon you.




World domination coming soon from:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Winner announced; Blogosphere rejoices

The judges at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship worked really hard to read all the wonderful submissions. They finally stopped laughing and turned in their scoring decisions to me.

For the second week in a row, it was a battle for second place as one caption just blew away the judges. Shadow, Fly, Kate, and Tahtimbo all scored first place votes.
Multiple votes were also cast for Jenn, MA Fat Woman, DB, Lauren, Bill, Mike, and Blognow 101.

But half of the first place votes were garnered by the winner, and a "Caption This" veteran, Bradley. The prize winning caption:

Richard Simmons is now prepared for the next time someone tells him to go f*** himself.

He wins the trophy, and entrecard credits. Congrats to Bradley.



Second place was very close, and won by Kate. Third place went to Tahtimbo.

Each will win some wonderful zucchini.

A great effort by everyone.

And thanks to everyone for the well wishes during my recent bout with the Black Death, or Yellow Fever, or whatever the hell it was I had. I'm no longer on the TP roll a day plan, and am recovering rapidly. I may even eat something by this weekend.

If you haven't signed up for Deb's feed, please do it today. I swear, the woman is very funny and needs your love and support. And any spare zucchini.

They like their zucchini stir fried at:
www.humorbloggers.com

A Rant about Economics

A serious post because the world as we know it is ending. I promise to be funny tomorrow, but today, no.
A quick economics primer
Stop it!!! Economics is not a difficult subject. Really. It has nothing to do with the fact that the Econ 101 class I took many years ago was taught by the world's most boring man, the subject is incredibly interesting, and not that difficult to understand. About the only thing I remember is that I learned the name of the Secretary of Agriculture at the time, Earl Butz.
Mr. Butz went on to become the most famous Secretary of Agriculture since who knows when as he told inappropriate, highly offensive jokes that eventually wound up in skits on Saturday Night Live back when it was funny.


Anyway, pay attention, economics requires just that...pay attention.
I'm reading all this nonsense about what needs to be done right away because of the rise in energy costs. Now, if anyone was paying attention, the following facts would immediately come to the forefront: back in the 1970's, the OPECer's put the squeeze on us, gas was in short supply and tripled in price.

We lined up for gas

We saw what happened, and for 30 years, did nothing, and then we act surprised. We didn't pay attention. It was more important to worry about Brittney and Lindsey and Miley.

The banking industry is in the crapper because back around 1977, Jimmy Carter and others decided it would be swell to make it easy for Americans to buy a house, whether they could afford it or not. A home is the American dream, and who are we to expect anyone to wait to have a dream come true? So, the government looked the other way as crazy schemes to get the money to individuals were put in place. And surprise, they couldn't pay their bills. And fat cat investors and CEOs made a boatload of cash. And we let it happen because we didn't pay attention.

We send too much money overseas. We have become a service economy, and that is a formula for disaster. Jobs go overseas, and so does a vast amount of cash. Brilliant planning, huh?

And the last part of this economic primer is this: it's not Bush's fault. Yes, he isn't going to go down as a great President, not even a good President. But he did not do all this on his own. This perfect economic firestorm has been 35 years in the making. We have had several Congresses (17 I believe) and 6 different Presidents since the first energy crisis. There is plenty of blame to go around for the shit stew we have simmering here.

Is it too late? I hope not. But it requires an overhaul of our economy, not slapping a patch here and there.


Don't forget Deb needs fees for her blog. Help a blogger out. It's good karma, and helps the economy.

They are stocking up on toilet paper at:
www.humorbloggers.com

Caption This (Guess who's Back?)

http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Two for Tuesday

I wanted to show youse two blogs I recently discovered. That's kind of funny, we all use that term discovered like they had been lost, and thanks to our anthropolgically cyber enhanced search methods, we found them.

Kind of like when Columbus discovered America. Those wacky Spaniards found millions of people who didn't even know they were lost. But that all worked out, I guess.

Anyway, these two blogs are hilarious. I hope you like them.

Janna at http://jantics.com/ The first post I ever read started out with some mathematical formulas, and wound up with broccoli. You need to read her. While many humor blogs make me laugh occasionally, I found every post to be hilarious.

And the second one is DB at The Medium Bus. http://themediumbus.blogspot.com/
A little different, no, make that a lot different, but really funny.

Today's post is a bit short because, well, I don't have internet access in my bathroom. Just sayin'





Every so often, I'll write something serious. I did a guest post for my friend Lauren. You can read it here
http://canubapartofmylife.blogspot.com/2008/09/pc-and-not-useful-kind.html


Don't forget our needy blogger Deb. She needs youse to sign up for her feeds. It will make me feel better, too.





They have internet access in the bathrooms at:
www.humorbloggers.com

When Life Gives you Lemons

squirt life in the eye with them cause then you both are blind. No wait. That's not how it goes.

I seem to get my adages messed up from time to time.

When life gives you lemons, make limoncello.


If you've ever seen Molto Mario, he describes limoncello as a "digestivo" or a nice little after dinner drink to help digest a large meal. This stuff is like the rocket fuel of lemonade.

And that's the adage, make lemonade when life gives you lemons. And that got me to thinking.

I'm really good at one thing: getting yelled at by women. Just yesterday, the Crotchety Old Lady yelled at me, one of my online friends (hey, I'm a Modern Old Man, women find new and creative ways to yell at me) and the Spawn all yelled at me.

Now, a normal man would get upset by this. But youse already know by now that I'm not normal. For some reason, I have a Ghandi like demeanor when I get yelled at by women.

Basically, I just make lame excuses on the fly, until they get tired of yelling, and give up. I do have a breaking point, but it is far beyond that of average men.

I decided to use this uncanny ability to make some cash.

Crotchety's Excuse a Rama Yellafone at your service.

You want to yell at your significant other, and have days of fighting? Of course not. Just call me or one of my highly trained staff and vent away, while we make lame excuses to return you to a state of bliss.

You'll hear such great excuses including

"Yes, dear, I understand."

"You are absolutely right."

"I'll get on that right away."

"No, I wasn't looking at her. I was just thinking how great that outfit would look on you."

And, with all calling plans, at no extra charge, the Man's Prayer from the Red Green Show

"I'm a man, but I can change...if I have to. I guess..."

I'm thinking of charging $1.99 a minute for the basic plan, up to $4.99 for the deluxe. With the deluxe plan, we promise to make it up to you at some later point in time.

Don't forget to help out Deb with her feeds fundraiser. It's easier to just do it than to come up with an excuse.




They bring the funny every day and make no excuses at
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Rubba Sunday Film Festival

Rubba recently won the Caption This, and because he's not a blogger, the prizes weren't right for him. So, as a special thank you to Rubba, I'm going to present his 3 best shorts. Think of this as a Tribeca Film Festival Event of the Absurd.

You'll see he's more than the world's best photoshopper. He's an accomplished movie maker. He's got skillz.

Rubba hates Mr. Barky Von Schnauzer. He treats him in a style befitting Quentin Tarantino. I'm pretty sure he got an Oscar nomination for this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRtq3mrWF2Q

Rubba's homage to Easy Rider

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhuLsIwGbUQ

Pretty offensive tribute to Beavis and Butthead (kind of)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_6re243STXs

And don't forget to help out Deb. She needs you to sign up for her feeds.



The popcorn is hot at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Saturday Wrap up

So, I'm watching Gone Country 2, which is one of my favorite shows. One of the stars is an ex-Idol singer who understands that she sometimes slurs her words when singing.
She even said she has been told before that she doesn't pronunciate her words.

And if you aren't sure if she is a bimbo or not, as part of the show, the players had to hunt. She pulled her shirt down, and announced this is how she gets her meat.
Yeah, she has all the style and class of a moderately priced call girl.

My buddy the Natural State Hawg http://naturalhawg.blogspot.com/ presented me with the award during the week.

I do like getting awards, I just don't like following the rules with all the backlinks.

I would like to pass this fine award on to 3 of my favorite brainy bloggers, though I could easily name 10 or more.

First, Jenn from http://cabbages-n-kings.blogspot.com/ She writes professionally, and her blog, to me, is in a style reminiscent of Jean Shepherd.

Next is Lauren from http://canubapartofmylife.blogspot.com/ While it certainly didn't start out that way, her blog is very political right now.

And my third choice is the Brazen Teacher from the blog http://www.thisbrazenteacher.blogspot.com/ She delivers lessons for life.

I easily could have picked so many others because I only read great blogs, but youse know I'm lazy. As usual, I don't expect anything in return. I just like to recognize some of the blogs that I so thoroughly enjoy.

Also, I have a few more blogs I'd like to add to my blogroll, which is already huge. If anyone has an idea, please let me know.

Check back tomorrow. I'll have 3 of Rubba's best movies. He's not just the world's greatest photoshopper, he's also a very talented cinematographer.

And don't forget Deb, who needs some new readers added to her blogroll.




Find the laughs at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

We have a winner

This contest wasn't even close. We have a clear winner with more than half of the first place votes. Basically, it was a battle for second, and even there, we had a clear winner.
Here's the wrapup:

First place votes were garnered by Rubba, Kirsten, and Lauren.
Other receiving multiple votes were RenalFailure, Shadow, Chica, Bradley, and MA Fat Woman.

The winning quote was Rubba's
"You've got to know when to hold 'em. . Know when to fold 'em". . .

Kirsten picked up second place, and Lauren won third. The captions were all absolutely fantastic.



Each wins some Zucchini, and because Rubba does not have a blog, the entrecard credits will be given to the second and third place winners.

Congratulations to everyone, and thanks for entering. You keep the staff at Crotchety Old Man World Wide Headquarters and Discount House of Worship laughing. Which is good, because that way they don't notice that I keep forgetting to pay them. A chuckling worker is a happy worker.

Fellow humor blogger (can she be a fellow blogger if she's a you, know, gurl) anyway, she desperately needs some subscribers for her feeds. So, give a gurl a break, and sign up today.



You'll find plenty of chuckles at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Things I Learned on the Internet

1. If you get a digg from someone named Senor Information, it’s either something everyone who’s not Amish has already heard about on TV or the radio, or it concerns animal enemas.


2. Blogs that are called “all about {insert anything you choose here}” rarely are. In fact, I usually know more about the subject than I can learn from said blogs, especially the all about animal enema ones.


3. I worry about things that probably no one else cares about. I’ll click on a blog to read, and then minimize it while I answer the phone. Then go to the bathroom. Have lunch, maybe scratch some naughty bits, when suddenly I realize the page has been open for like an hour. First thing I think is, the blogger must look at the stats and wonder what pervert has been staring at suggestive pictures of their cat for 59 minutes?


4. Blogs that are tips about making money rarely have any tips other than cover your blog with ads no one cares about.


5. Some people get offended by pictures I post. They really should read a newspaper and get offended by Darfur, the world wide economic crisis, energy sources, Muslim extremists who have threatened to kill Paul McCartney because he is going to play music in Israel, the banking industry, the USA health care system, animal enemas, and war just for starters.


6. Blogs written from the viewpoint of dogs, cats, kangaroos, dead relatives, trees, babies, and nearly anything anyone wants to personify, are usually silly. If you are thinking of writing a blog from the viewpoint of a near sighted squirrel that lives in your yard would be hysterical, please think beyond the 3rd post. This blog is one of the exceptions http://the-pumpkin-patch.blogspot.com/

7. I often wonder why recipe blogs have such dishes as octopus. Where would I even buy octopus? Shop-Rite doesn’t sell it. Do I really need to know which wine goes with octopus? If I were to cook it, let alone eat it, I would have to have been pretty plastered on Jack Daniels long beforehand.

I learn a lot at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Caption This One for Fame and Prizes

They have the best captions at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

I'm Mad as Hell (a rant and a half)

I need to vent or rant. Either way, I’m pissed at everyone except you.

First of all, the weather. I haven't checked the Book of Revelations, but I'm pretty sure 95 degrees in NJ during September must be one of the Signs of the Apocolypse.

Just in case

Now, today, my stupid Sitemeter isn't working. Yes, I followed the directions they gave to correct their last screwup, which was implemented because of their previous screwups.

According to them, no one has been here for 2 days. Now, I know that's not true, because you wouldn't do that to your old pal, Crotchety. And that's why you're my favorite. Don't tell the other 3 people who read my blog. They are just acquaintences, but I feel we have a real connection, true BFFs.



Just a few weeks ago, my entrecard thing was broken, but that was finally fixed.

I tried to leave a message on the blog of the "Muse to the Stars," Humorsmith, and Google didn't allow it. Kept giving me stupid error messages. By the way, if you aren't easily offended, you can see the effects of a good muse here:http://www.offendedblogger.com/2008/09/how-to-properly-wax-your-balls.html

Last week, or so, I installed a top commentor widget. It didn't work, so I took that out. I replaced it with some entrecard dropping widget. Drop 300 cards in 5 minutes or some such nonsense. It takes a few hours, and the widget lied. So, it may be disappearing soon. Plus about half the links don't work or whatever, so I'm annoyed. It may be disappearing soon.

I visit and read a lot of blogs. No less than 50 every day, though, I willingly admit, yours is my favorite.

Some of those other blogs are getting on my nerves. I prefer no music at all, because I usually have my TV on when I'm making my way through the blogoshpere, but I can deal with something mellow. I really don't need to hear Judas Priest cranked at max volume.

And, I don't know how many more blogs about Sarah Palin I can read. I may know more about Sarah Palin than I do about the Crotchety Old Lady.

Finally, what is up with the commercials for corn syrup?

Sorry, corn syrup is so pervasive in foods, please don't buy the bullshit campaign about the stuff. It is simply empty calories, and affects one's blood sugar in a very negative manner. It raises it quickly, like sugar, and then crashes it, like sugar. While many people, especially active ones, can consume it with no problem, empty calories are quite destructive for the average, very sedentary, person. I like you too much to let you fall for the nonsense they are putting out there.

They like to rant at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

"But he's an idiot"

I've promised more stories from my high school days at St. Rocko's (school motto--We have our own cemetery)

And here is another absolutely true tale.

Back when I was in school, most of my school chums referred to me with the very non PC term "idiot savant." As this was the beginning of the movement to PC, they tried, and often dropped the very offensive "savant" term. At least, I'm pretty sure that's what they did.

St Rocko's was very competetive, and, well, I'm sort of, not. Oh, I like winning stuff, and getting awards, but I don't particularly like working hard for them. I'm friggin lazy an underachiever.

Fortunately, I have a really good memory, so I never had to study, or at least did so minimally. Which fit in perfectly with my overall philosophy of life, "do as little work as possible."

One classmate in particular, let's call him Bob, although that wasn't his real name, was the exact opposite of me. Student council, jazz band, sports, French Club--you name it, he was on top of the situation and deeply involved. He worked feverishly on every assignment, studied hard, and I'm sure today is running a Fortune 500 company, unless he has died from a heart attack or been killed by pissed off underlings.

For some reason, I wound up in almost all his classes for 3 years, a near impossibility.

And he struggled mightily as he worked to turn in such epic term papers as "The complete history of jazz, and its place in American music and entertainment: the myths, the legends, and the socio-economic impact with its roots in slavery." And that was only the title. Meanwhile, I turned in the classic, "I like my fish tank."


And so it continued through freshman, sophomore, and junior year. And then, late in junior year, it was time to take the SATs.

Everyone anxiously awaited the results. We all got them about the same time. And, because PC was not really in vogue, one teacher, I forgot which class, asked us to give our scores as we went around the room. Bob proudly gave his score. Everyone ooohed and ahhhed. I forgot what it was, but it was sufficiently high enough that Bob was smug. And the score giving continued around the room. And then they got to me.

I gave mine, which was higher than Bob's. Immediately, Bob spun around, and declared that I was lying. The teacher came and looked at my paper. He chuckled as he told Bob that it was indeed what was written on the printout. Bob exclaimed, "But he's an idiot."

Note Bob completely forgot the savant part again.

I said, "Maybe so, but apparently I'm smarter than you. Scary, huh?"

Believe it or not, we all took the test again.

This time Bob did better on the test. He scored 1200, which back then was a very good score. Again, the same teacher did the same around the room thing. Bob was happy as could be. As it became my time, Bob sneered at me, expecting me to be humbled by his awesome score.

I dutifuly reported my score as 720 a precipitous drop. Bob was thrilled, until the teacher said, "Even for you, Joe, that's pretty low."

Then I said, "Oh you wanted the combined score?"

I gave the combined score, and let's just say, Bob was really upset. I did pretty well, with, you know, being an idiot and all.


Enjoy the savant-like funny at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/
Tell them "Joe sent you" for a better seat.

Big TV day today

I spent a lot of time watching TV today, like always. My regular Saturday starts with Showbiz India first thing in the morning, then I move onto sports and end up wih a movie.

I'm not exactly sure why I like watching Bollywood movies as I have no idea what is going on most of the time, but usually I find something to keep my attention



Then I go on to sports. Today I watched part of the Notre Dame-- Michigan game.

I'm not a big fan of college sports, but I do like listening to announcers because they always say really stupid things.

More than once, it was pointed out that the players practiced with wet balls all week. That sounded rather uncomfortable.

Yeah, ok, I'm perrenially 13.

And then, last night, I watched No Country for Old Men. What a stupid ending to that movie. Spoiler alert: after 2 hours, the bad guy just walks away, the good guy quits, and other guy, hell, I don't know what happened to him.

And this movie won a bunch of Oscars, proving, once again, Hollywood is full of morons.

Hollywood morons could learn a lot at:
http://www.humorbloggers.com/

Saturday Ketchup

Got lots of stuff to catch up on. (notice I used ketchup in the title? Yeah, you're amazed at my cleverositiness-- I'm trying to use bigger words to make my blog posts sound more smarterer.)

Anyway, Saturday is a pretty good day to do this, so here goes:

I'm pretty sure the Crotchety Old Lady is mad at me. I do have a way of annoying nearly everyone, and she is far from immune from my annoying habits. But she is kind of passive aggressive, and I often miss out on her signals. I may have gotten one the other day, but I'm not positive. She packs lunch for me every day. Has done this for years. Even when I'm home just working in the blogoshpere, because, well, I treat this as my job for now. And I am getting the occasional chck from Google, so I'm a professional blogger. Doesn't matter that I make around 12 hours a dollar, it's the principle.

And usually, she packs me such a nice lunch, a cookie, a granola bar (fiber is my friend) some fruit, and a nice sandwich on whole grain bread.
Today, I got a half of a stale roll, a jar of mayonnaise, a tomato, and a Slim Jim.
Is she giving me a hint that somewhere I may have crossed some line?

On to other business.

I received a meme from Susan at http://soul-to-soul.com/ that was probably written just for me. It wants me to list things about me that are either boring or quirky.
Yes, those who know me well, are right now wondering how I will only choose 6 as I am extremely quirky, and rather boring. To be honest, most of my traits cross over into both realms.

Here goes:
1. I eat the same thing for breakfast every day, depending on what day of the week it is. If it's Sunday, pancakes. Saturday, an omelet and toast. Monday through Friday, Peanut butter and jelly.
2. I eat the same thing for lunch every day, depending on the day of the week. Monday through Friday, peanut butter and tomatoes (in season--off season, I eat PB&J) Saturday and Sunday, grilled cheese.
3. I eat weird food combinations, i.e. peanut butter and tomatoes. When we are away from home, and I have breakfast out, I often get French toast, which I cover with ketchup.
4. I have a wardrobe obsession similarn to the TV character, Monk. Almost all my dress shirts are light blue, and in the same style. Mrs. Crotchety has to force me to wear something else.
5. I have a mental block concerning colors. I've been told dozens of times what colors puce, fuschia, chatruese, and magenta are, but if I was on a quiz show, and had to pick them out, I couldn't. For all I know they are the same color.
6. I love stoner movies, although I'm not now, nor have ever been a stoner. Never used any drugs associated with stoners. Not even once.

I'm supposed to tag others, but I don't like to do that. But if anyone wants to participate especially, Drowsey, Soccer Mom, Chat blanc, Jenn, The Hypocritical One, The Hawg, The Fly please do, and let me know because I won't want to miss it.

Rob at http://wwwdidimisssomething.blogspot.com/ has presented me with the

I'm really honored. Rob writes 4 different blogs, BTW, and he covers everything from political chat, to just general thoughts, to down home recipes, and more among his blogs. Definately some good reads.

Marie from http://nourishourselves.blogspot.com/ has also presented me with an award, the Arte y Pico



Her blog gives a humorous view of her world. A good read, and she's in New Jersey, so it has that going for it too.

I know I'm supposed to pick 5 or 7 or 1,259 other blogs to share these with but I've received so many of these awards it's hard to not repeat, so what I do is present them to a blog that I have enjoyed lately. Again, the recipient has no obligation to continue the tradition but I do hope they take the time to recognize a few of their fellow bloggers.

I'd like to recognize Lipstick from http://lipstickatthemailbox.blogspot.com/ for her fine blog. She has a good sense of humor, and writes very thoughtfully, although occasionally I don't know what she's talking about when she starts talking purses. I'd like to present her with the Arte Y Pico.

I'd also like to present Gianetta http://reflectionsonamiddle-agedfatwoman.blogspot.com/ with the Brillante Award. Her blog is funny and interesting.

The election is over, and the winner is

Oh, you were looking for that other election.
Check one of the other 987,402,642 with that stuff. Here, we talk about important stuff like caption this contests.

I had planned to do some other stuff today, but life interfered, so on to the contest and the results.

Dani C and Dad the Dude had multiple first place votes, so you know this is gonna be close. It came down to second and third place votes.

But first, this was the favorite contest yet, according to the judges.
First place votes also went to Bradley, Rubba and The Fly.

Jenn, Kat, Chat, Chris, and Sensei also had multiple votes.

But the winner this week, by one point, was Dad the Dude.

Damn, forgot this is ultra high classy caption...and I looked upon them and said "he, whom sits upon the foot of my bed in an act of defiance in the face of our fathers inserted his digit forth as such"
He is the winner of the coveted Zucchini award, and his name will be placed in a place of honor on the blog.


Second place goes to Dani C, Bradley placed third.

Congratulations and thanks to everyone for participating.


They love zucchini at:

http://www.humorbloggers.com/