Thursday, February 26, 2009

MMMM, Chocolate Covered Boobs

A few months ago, Cabal leader Chelle, and some other members of Humorbloggersdotcom suggested that I install Google Analytics. A lot of reasons, such as I would be able to learn, I don't know, stuff. Plus it would be interesting to find out how some of my readers discover my blog. Since my goal in life, well at least since I decided to make it os for the last few weeks, has been to become the world's greatest living blogger.

So now, I have a new way to waste time become more useful to my fellow blogger. I spent some time today looking at the search terms used to find my blog, so maybe I can write material more appropriate to my readership base.

Ok, the first term I uncovered was chocolate covered boobs. While that sounds like it would be one of my interests, I don't remember ever blogging about it, erm, them. Photobucket

Another search term was Oprah's vajayjay. Ok, I understand that as this blog is the "go to" source for up to the minute news about Oprah's vajayjay. And I do promise to continue to provide this service.

"Oldman swinging" I have no idea what they expected to find, but I may have just thrown up in my mouth a little.

"Making of fluffer" Photobucket

Really now, when did I become the meeting place for Perverts Anonymous?

There is more, but do we really want to know why "High Hefner" or "Hot buttered Sex" brought them here?


Adullamite said...

I thought you were already rightly known as the worlds 'greatest living blogger?'

Chaotically Calm said...

Obviously Crotchety Old Man Yells at Cars is some kind of pseudo name for covert undercover frisky behavior....I am so out of touch!

Michelle said...


That is not at all like Dead man walking!!

I know that you know what OLD MAN SWINGING means right????

Happy Thursday!!!

Anonymous said...

That chocolate covered boobs thing was me.

Sorry old man.

ReformingGeek said...

I'm sure they meant "Old Man Singing".

Anonymous said...

That's nothing. According to Google Analytics, the top three search terms that found me were:

1. thickest penis
2. world's thickest penis
3. worlds thickest penis

I'm not joking about that -- or bragging. If you go further down the list you'll also find "thickest penis in the world", "world's longest penis" and "world's longest penis". Those search terms resulted from a couple of my posts satirizing some of the spam I've received and then another post joking about some of the search traffic that generated.

Now that I've posted this comment you'll probably see some of that traffic coming your way.

Kirsten said...

Don't act like perverts aren't you're strongest fan base!

Sandee said...

Well, between you and Don I learn a lot of useless stuff. That's why I show up everyday. Bwahahahahaha. I'm busy right now reading Joel's comment. I think I'm going to search for those.

Have a terrific day Crotchety. Best regards to Mrs. Crotchety. :)

Anonymous said...

I was eternally scarred to find out that a few of the search terms bringing people to my site were "vagina kisser," "explosive diarrhea," and "shaggy and freddy sex" (after I did a post about Scooby Doo).

Yikes. Who knew the internet was full of weirdos?

Da Old Man said...

@ Adullamite: I agree with that, but the rest of the world doesn't.

@ Chaotically: If only :(

@ Michelle: I'm pretty sure I do.

@ Mike: That explains a lot

@ Reforming: The Google is (almost) never wrong

@ Joel: Uhhmm, thanks?

@ Kirsten: They probably are. I'm a niche blogger, now.

@ Sandee: Don't use Google Images. Well, maybe you should.

@ Hawaiian: The internet keeps weirdos off the street, I guess.

Donnie said...

Hot Buttered Sex is you all over. Can't you see it? I'll bet the Mrs. does. In fact, I'll bet she's the one that used that phrase!

A New Yorker said...

AWESOME. I am ROFL. The fluffer one comes from posting my story. WOOT! :D

Jen said...

Mine come looking for:

Fire Crotch

Redhead vagina

Redhead on redhead

and a whole bunch I can't even say because they are so dirty, funny but a bit creepy too.

I get a lot for Oprah's Vagina too.

Jormengrund said...

Isn't the internet just wonderful?

Now, not only do you know that you've got readers, but you also know just how sick and depraved each and every single one of us is!

Welcome to the family.. *tear*

nonamedufus said...

I don't know, I tried hot buttered sex once but it took me days to clean the popcorn out of my underwear.

Anonymous said...

BAhahahaha.... I love Google Analytics. Unfortunately, my more popular search terms revolve around yeast infections (thanks to the mini-rant I did about that stupid Monistat commercial) or getting dogs high. I think the most disturbing/upsetting search term was "blow smoke in puppies face seizure"... makes me really glad I posted about the harms of getting pets high.

Sandi said...

chocolate covered boobs? haha That's great.

Moooooog35 said...

My results today:

"penis goes up"

Um..this is a surprise to you? Mine goes up all the time. It's up right now.

On a related note:

I really like this blog.

"name those tits game"

I'm guessing that this is the best. game. ever.

"eating from ass"

It's the 'from' that gets me here.

Seriously - just run the goddamn dishwasher if you're out of plates.

Paul Eilers said...

You are what you are. Just go with the flow. Don't try to hide it!


Eat Well. Live Well.

Da Old Man said...

@ Don: She may be the one

@ Lauren: I forgot about that. LOL

@ Jen: It's amazing, isn't it?

@ Jormen: I knew they (youse) were kind of perverse.

@ Nonamed: I hate when that happens

@ Shadow: I never knew what I was missing. Just one more thing to waste time on, too.

@ Sandi: It just amazes me what searches are done

@ Mooog: You get some erm, "interesting" searches, don't you? :)

@ Paul: I hide almostnothing.

kalos_eidos said...

I really need to stop neglecting my blogs. The best one I have was someone searching for "grandma's garters". Probably some swinging old man...

Trukindog said...

I read the title then got as far a Chelle, now all I can think about is that gorgeous blonde Nazi bondage porn queen pouring chocolate syrup on herself in her survival bunker and....umm I gotta go now.

The Hussy Housewife said...


Wait that was my goolges.

Unknown said...

I must be the dumbest ass of all because I have never looked to see what searches were done to get to my site. I don't think I get any Google traffic. Now I am sad. :(

TheDamnNation said...

Hahahaha That's hilarious. I'm a pervert and I have found my way to your blog. Point proven.

The Walrus said...

I'm new here, but I can't see the type of person who'd do a google search for chocolate covered boobs being a bad type of reader to have.

Clearly they're practical, very specific in their entertainment/sex parts/confection needs, and if someone with tastes that refined happens to find you...well, clearly you're doing something right.



Anonymous said...

Do You interesting of [b]Female use of Viagra[/b]? You can find below...
[size=10]>>>[url=][b]Female use of Viagra[/b][/url]<<<[/size]

[b]Bonus Policy[/b]
Order 3 or more products and get free Regular Airmail shipping!
Free Regular Airmail shipping for orders starting with $200.00!

Free insurance (guaranteed reshipment if delivery failed) for orders starting with $300.00!

Generic Viagra (sildenafil citrate; brand names include: Aphrodil / Edegra / Erasmo / Penegra / Revatio / Supra / Zwagra) is an effective treatment for erectile dysfunction regardless of the cause or duration of the problem or the age of the patient.
Sildenafil Citrate is the active ingredient used to treat erectile dysfunction (impotence) in men. It can help men who have erectile dysfunction get and sustain an erection when they are sexually excited.
Generic Viagra is manufactured in accordance with World Health Organization standards and guidelines (WHO-GMP). Also [url=]q Buy Viagra Online[/url] you can find on our sites.
Generic [url=]Viagra Super Active[/url] is made with thorough reverse engineering for the sildenafil citrate molecule - a totally different process of making sildenafil and its reaction. That is why it takes effect in 15 minutes compared to other drugs which take 30-40 minutes to take effect.
[b]viagra saves dogs life
Patent Expiry Viagra
viagra free sites computer edinburgh
back generic guarantee money viagra
Viagra Online Generic
best canadian drug supplier for viagra
generic for viagra
Even in the most sexually liberated and self-satisfied of nations, many people still yearn to burn more, to feel ready for bedding no matter what the clock says and to desire their partner of 23 years as much as they did when their love was brand new.
The market is saturated with books on how to revive a flagging libido or spice up monotonous sex, and sex therapists say “lack of desire” is one of the most common complaints they hear from patients, particularly women.

Anonymous said...

hey your blog design is very nice, clean and fresh and with updated content, make people feel peace and I always like browsing your site.

- Thomas

Keller said...

When you conduct interviews, you need to make sure that your applicants are being honest, and theres an easy way to do this once youve asked if the person has a particular skill, ask them to prove it to you right then and there. A lawyer who is also fluent in French, and who has a thorough knowledge of their trade and the terminology involved, will be able to write a much more convincing and accurate translation than someone who has to research the vocabulary needed. Keep in mind that part time online jobs are in high demand and that there could be people all over the world trying to get the same position that you are. Thus you can ace the interview and increase your chances of getting hired. If you have seen a resume that someone has created from home, this is often very easy to spot.