What I'm Pissed off About Today

How the heck did I manage tp post a blank page?

Anyway, today I'm pissed off by New Yorkers who went batshit crazy ond were offended by a billoboard against abortion. I don't care where you stand on the subject but blacks get a disproportianet amount of them. Why would pointing that out be offensive? Crack dealers all over the place, hookers flashing their naughty bits on the street, filth everywhere,this is what is offensive. Hard to understand.

Next, the government. Had to overhaul Medicare. Ok we all know there is fraud.

So now when I go to get my shoes, I have to go to at least 2 doctors, because there must be tons of shoe fraud because diabetic shoes are so damned sexy and stylish.

Grandma shoes are HOT!






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I've had the same 'do since I was 5 years old. Avoided the mullet, long hair, faux hawks and everything in between.


Hey, it was a classic.

But today, I needed to wash my hair and get a trim. Rather than go through all that, I shaved my head. I guess sometimes I'm an all or nothing guy.

By the way, how many of youse have had a conversation in your home that started out with "Now that you are afraid of meat again, mayne it's time you called the shrink."

I need to put her number on speed dial. I don't have issues, I have subscriptions.




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Frosty Weather

Here at Casa Crotchety Mrs C was in a rather foul mood.

And why do youse automatically assume it was something I did?

Yeah, it's always the man, huh?
I know how youse think.

Blame Crutchety. I'm starting to get a complex. A persecution one at that.

Well, ok maybe it was my fault, but only a little. A teeny tiny speck of fault.

Maybe.

Stop looking at me that way.

Your acting like there's another woman involved.

Well sorta. But I am pure of action, heart, and mind. Hey, youse wonder how much trouble I can possibly get in with Mrs. C. without leaving the room. Youse would be surprised.

She'll probably warm up soon. I'm ao darn cute and charming. How could she resist? :)

.


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A Bit of Sanity

In this sue happy society it is nice to see when a lawsuit is dropped.

The woman who sued a store bhecause she had been "been injured as a result of defendant's fraudulent conduct," the now-dead suit stated.

The amount of the damages sought?

5 million dollars.

The disputed amount of damages that she started the lawsuit for?

80 cents.

Oy.


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A Belated Happy Valentines's Day

I'm recovering from yeaterday.

Wimmen

Just when you think you know a woman...there they go acting all crazy again.

As usual, I thought about a nice Valentine's gift for the Nrs.0. Been watching some fashion shows on tv. Belts are a great fashion accessory, so what could be better?




Pretty and practical. I suggested she could use it for kitchen tools, too. While she is at it, she could use the gps to find the kitchen.

Maybe I shoulda bought a card.









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Your tax dollars at work

Sorry I haven't been posting lately.
I really should do more because after all youse guys pay for my dialysis @ $40,000 per month.

I'd like to thank you for that and probably owe you more than 1 lame post per week.

Oh yeah, and as for the disability check--thanks.

Though I am seeking work, but am pretty much undesireable for much more than a Wal-Mart greeter, and I can't do that very well.

Welcome to Wal Mart. What the hell do you want? When's my break time?

I spend a lot of time per day just thinking up stuff.

Every time I go to the hospital they give me plastic ware like toothbrush tubs, wash basins , and bedpans. To not be wasteful I do try to re-purpose them. Did you know bedpans make a dandy container for onion dip?

Well, that's pretty much all I've come up with.

I'll be getting an etsy listing and selling dip containers if anyone is interseted. They can also be used for bean dip and salsa.

Available in a festive pink. Quanities are limited.

Another sign of the Apocolypse

Guess who is having a movie made of his life?

Justin Beiber. All of life and his amazing struggle to reach the top of the pop world will be wrapped up in 90 minutes or so.

He's 16.

Oy.

I'm speechless.




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Snow again

I'm starting to feel bad for Mrs.C., but have to admit all this shoveling is getting her kinda buff.

Lately been watching Idol, hate it but Mrs. likes Steven Tyler, thinks he's so handsome. Now I'm all male, so I can't tell a handsome male from all the rest, but I can spot ugly, and he is fugly, which is a step beyond.

I woke up this norning with my usual weird thoughts, and today's was what ever happened to Fearless Fosdick?

And quickly followed by who the heck is Fearless Fosdick?

Thanks to our friends at the Google, I found out who he was. It's not easy being me.


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Slowly, but surely, kicking and sceaming

Crotchety is dragged into the 21st century. He got a cell phone! No texting or any of that techy stuff. Still need Mrs. C. To explain how the buttons work. I did manage to call the bedroom phone from my living room.

Big Surprise Duh News of the Day!!!

That 79 cents big beef taco from Taco Bell may not be all beef. There is a lawsuit, probably from the same folks who are suing the government for beach erosion. It's impossible to make up strories as funny as the real news.




















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In trouble again

I know youse won't believe it, but Mrs. C is angry with me. And what did I do? Nothing, as usual.

I'm a victim of circumstances.

I bought a new power wheelchair that she claims she knew nothing about. I'm really sure she was told about the giant red chair now sitting in the middle of our kitchen. When she said it was in the way, I offered to teach her how to drive it so she could move around in the kitchen. But she got more angry.

And it takes a while to learn how to control it and I promised to replace all the flowers I ruined when I knocked over the plant stand. I sure as heck can't do anything about the irreplaceble stand itself. And it's not bad, just a few gashes. It gives it character. Perhaps her late father should have installed bumper guards when he built it 45 years ago. It would have prevented the whole ugly mess. So it's really his fault.

She didn't buy that either.

To try to make it up to her, even though I did no wrong, I asked her to make me pancakes for breakfast. She grumbled something (probably "sure, my love") and while she was making my bed, I complimented her for doing it so well. And there was that mumbling again.

I'm in the doghouse so often, I should put shag carpeting and a big screen TV in there.

By the way, I answer your comments when I can. When I don't I'm not being rude, it's just I'm in so much pain it's impossible to spend that much time at the 'puter. If I get my stoopid laptop fixed, that will change things. Right now, I can't use the h,b,n keys on it. That would make my gibberish even less decipherable.




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Snow again GRRRRRRR

Before today's Pulitzer Prize worthy blog post, here's the rant of the day. We got a bit of snow here, about 6". That didn't stop NYC Mayor Mike (quick get a camera crew) Bloomberg from holding a press conference about the snow! This guy is becoming a pain in the ass, and I'm not even in New York.

Here's today's irregularly scheduled post:

Last week, the lottery hit a third of a billion dollars. Since my retirement plan is a dollar and a dream, I started to imagine what I'd do if I won. Here's my list:
Buy
1. Fur toilet seats for cold mornings
2. Solid gold snow shovel for Mrs. C (she does deseve the best)
3. A Rolls Royce and have it modified into a pick up truck, with a gun rack.
4. A new home with a moat and drawbridge.
5. An Italian restuarant, so I can have seating for 12 when the Mrs and I go out. I like to move around when I eat.

Hire:
1b. A security force (army) of clowns armed with Uzis that shoot silly string.
2b. 1000 Elvis impersonators to sing Happy Birthday to me every morning.
3b. A baker to bake the world's largest coconut cream pie. (Why? Remember that army of clowns?)

Lastly, I'd acquire a few towns, and rename them after body parts.
Like Naughty Bits, Kentucky. Nah, I'd probably name them all Naughty Bits. I'd also send a check for $3.92 each to all my regular commentors like Sandee, Maritess, MB, LL, Reffie, Janna, Don, and FishHawk.



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So, there I was

reading my underwear........What, you don't wear underwear with comic books written on them? Kind of like adult underoos.

Nevermind. It wasn't a really good story unless you really, really like Spiderman.

Well, I went to a job interview the other day. They made me take a typing test. Turns out I can type a blistering 17 words a minute. Didn't get to the interview. Sigh.

But on the bright side it makes you appreciate every pixel I so painstakingly kill for this blog.

Yeah, and for those of youse who wonder, I lost a leg, not an arm.

In the next few days I'll be getting a scooter, for more mobility. Wonder how much trouble I can get in with that? I'm already banned from using the scooters at Stop and Shop, and I've been warned in Atlantic City.


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smile

This just cracks me up.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3FGZvFZdVbk

Have a good weekend.




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What's pissing me off today

This could be a weekly feature, since I get pissed off nearly every day.

Today it's rigatoni and cupcakes.

First, the rigatoni.

Now, I'm part Italian, and had pasta and tomato sauce very Sunday growing up, and usually it was rigatoni and ground beef (meat sauce we called it. You probably know it as Bolagnese.) It was and still is my favorite meal. I asked Mrs. C to buy some at the store. She came back with something that the box said was rigatoni, but the contents were ziti with lines, usually called ziti rigati. Totally different. Bastages. How could they try to pass this off as rigatoni?

About the cupcakes. TastyKake is a regional bakery out of Philly. Usually, I don't trust people from Philly, but I grew up with Tastycake, so they get some slack. Anyway, the chocolte cupcakes are awesome. So, Mrs. C bought me some today and they were terrible.
The cakes were the usual soft delicious chocolate selves, but the icing--bleh.
In the past the icing was thick and fudgey. Now it is wafer thin and tastes stale. They weren't out of date (it's not the 22nd yet) and just crappy.

I'll be sending them a letter explaining that they have a disgruntled customer rather than the one who was previously errrr..... gruntled.




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Happy New Year

I was so busy on New Year's Day I haven't recovered yet.

On many Holidays, TV channels have marathons, whereby they play episodes of one show.

This year, are you ready for this, there was a marathon of The Three Stooges, and the A Team, and The Honeymooners, all at the same time. I know... my remote control was overheating.

If Gilligan's Island was on a 4th channel, my brain would have exploded.

Today we're back to what passes for normal at Casa Crotchety, and while watching the Price is Right, I saw what may be the dumbest item ever. A treadmill bike. You can travel on it while walking along. Wouldn't regular walking do the same thing?

By the way, I made some resolutions.

I resolve to write better. Rather than the short posts, I'll try to make them worth reading.

And, lastly..,...,..STOOPID GIANTS.

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Newscasters are morons

Seriously.

We had a major blizzard in this area, between 20 and 30 inches of snow, and drifting.

The news reporters went batshit crazy, as if we had neither windows nor doors to go outside and see for ourselves. Reporters were all over the streets while telling us not to go out. It's not enough to say the streets aren't plowed, we need to be shown. After all, unplowed Elm St in Elizabeth looks so much different than unplowed Hamilton St. in Elizabeth, NJ.

Damn, I need a font for sarcasm.

And, by the way, Mrs. C wants a new shovel, which I'll buy for her. God, I'm so good to that woman.


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Global warming, my butt

We got snow up to my naughty bits, and with wind chill, it's single digits.

The 2 coldest months are ahead of us.

I want to kick Al Gore in the 'nads..

A belated Happy Boxing Day, whatever that is. Hey, it's on my calender.

But it was my nephew's birthday. I chose to celebrate that.



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Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas From the Crotchety Family and our watchdog Pepper.

Pepper is a beloved family member of my friend Sweetneas, and photo is borrowed from her.



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Merry Christmas Eve

Most of my grinchiness is gone. Thanks to readers/friends The Middle Aged Fat Woman,(read her blog) and Lisa I am having a very nice Xmas. Even though they say Xmas is the season of giving, I like getting a lot.

I probably won't be back until Monday, but I left a present for youse tomorrow.


Which Shake Weight ad is funnier? (sorry I forgot how to make these thing clickable.)

Men: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xbsSeVr5NSI

Women: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXHUdvvHTkw



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Christmas Spirit Returns

Mrs. C was driving me around and we saw a house so beautifully decorated it brought about the Holiday spirit in me.

They had one of those wire reindeer, a plastic snowman, and a cow.

It doesn't get any better.





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