Saturday, November 15, 2008

Just A Stone's Throw Away

So, I'm doing my number 1 business, and all of a sudden, I feel pain, and hear a plunk.

That's never a good sign. Ever. Take my word for that.

Pain is hardly ever good, unless you're a freak and into that, and a plunk sound is also only good if tossing coins in a fountain. Since I don't enjoy pain, and had no fountain nearby, further investigation was needed. It was a kidney stone. Now, nothing funny about that, so I decided maybe I could get a chuckle if I properly illustrated my situation.

I first found a photo that could be considered "cute."


Awwww. Look at the baby searching for Crotchety's kidney stone.
That was just weird inappropriate.

So, I decided to find a wacky photo, instead. There were a lot of them. This one was pretty good, but not quite right.

I kept searching, because I love the Google. Only at Google could I find an illustration that had nothing to do with kidney stones, or this post, yet somehow, it fit in perfectly. Seriously, WTH is this guy doing?


This could almost qualify for my weekly caption this, except it is simply too bizarre.

And don't forget:
The voting is still going on for the weekly Humorblogger of the year of the month. I have no idea how I'm doing, and don't care. But vote for me and your barren sheep will bear fruit.


Anonymous said...

A kidney stone? Really? Damn!

That's painful just thinking about it...

Swirl Girl said...

At least you passed it...I hear they hurt worse when they are still inside.

and a caption for the diagram of man sucking on the toilet?
He is simply trying to illustrate the photo of the elephant sucking on the rhino's ass for his zoology 101 class.

Shawie said...

man, you got a lot of love on that thing, lol!

Anonymous said...

#2 plunk, fine. #1 plunk? Eeeeeoooowwww!!!

I cannot believe I just left this comment.

A New Yorker said...

I'd say this story qualifies for the Fuck Factor! :D

Anonymous said...

*TOO BIZARRE* for the caption this, contest? I don't think there is such a thing as long as it's at least one state. Sorry to hear about the kidney stone. At least you didn't pass a Rolling Stone...Mick Jagger does not just suddenly come tumbling out. It would've been way worse. Believe me. I've passed Ron Wood, Keith Richards, Mick and doesn't matter, I don't remember the names of the other guys. I passed one of their background singers too. Her name was Tracy. That one hurt but it was also kind of exciting too.

Donnie said...

I knew a fellow that literally would stand and pee out several at a time. He didn't complain. He would do this for about one or two days every couple of months. No big deal to him!

Janna said...

I've never had kidney stones, but I hear they're awful.
You must be either (1) veeery brave with a high pain tolerance, or (2) so traumatized by the agony that you forgot to expound upon just how nightmarish it was.

So, um, did you find it when you searched?

Chat Blanc said...

zomg! a kidney stone? that's brutal! and seriously, the second and third pics are downright scary!! ew ew ew! :P hehe

Anonymous said...

Ouchhhhh, sorry to hear that!

As for that third picture... what the hell is that thing supposed to be? What function does it serve? he supposed to suck or blow? (actually, I think I don't want to know)

Da Old Man said...

@ Tha Hawg: It was a little one, so it was just uncomfortable. I'm had big ones in the past that were extremely painful.

@ Swirl Girl: It sure did look like that.

@ Shawie: Thanks

@ Kathy: But it is a classic comment. LOL

@ Lauren: It was fine, though. It all worked out.

@ Matt: I'd be afraid to follow up that comment with a question. Any question, and believe me a bunch come to mind.

@ Don, it's a weird feeling if they are little. Blood is involved for a few days if not.

@ Janna: Small enough that it just felt weird. I saw it, didn't retrieve it. Too small to be a keeper.

@ Chat: Those pictures make me love the Google even more.

@ Shadow: I have no idea. It's to test something, I guess. There must be a different way to test whatever he is testing. Blowing or sucking? I don't want to know, either.

Anonymous said...

#3 picture...huh? Makes you wonder what steps 1 - 9 were??? That was freaky, but I still like you! LOL

Kelly said...

My uncle told me about the time he had one. It was huge and got stuck in his weiner. He was in so much pain, he passed out on the floor, trying to get to the phone. He had to sit in a tub of water at the hospital later. I forget the details of the procedure but I remember it sounded interesting. Love the pic of the guy suckin' stuff from the toilet with a hose.

Da Old Man said...

@ Judy: Thanks. I wonder about all the steps.

@ Kelly: I've heard of things like that. Fortunately it was tiny this time.

Suzanne said...

That third picture would be a lot more disturbing if it wasn't an illustration but a real person. That second picture - alcohol had to be involved!

eve cleveland said...

Old Man.
You didn't kvetch too much 'bout the pain...I'm worried.

Unknown said...

Sorry about the stone. Thanks for the laugh!

Da Old Man said...

@ Sue: But did someone have to pose for it? That would be worse. :)

@ Eve: It wasn't bad. Stone was small.

@ On the verge: Glad to do it. :)

Janna said...

You didn't save it because it was "too small to be a keeper"??

Is it like going fishing, where some fish are so tiny you have to throw them back?
Just between you and me, I'd keep ANYTHING I caught. I don't care if it's a minnow, a turtle, a rock, or a tin can, that sucker is getting taxidermied and mounted on my wall.

Besides, you coulda taken a picture of it and posted it for all of us to see.
That's what sharing is all about.

ReformingGeek said...

OUCH! And I think that guy is blowin' the toilet with a really weird auger. That is truly a bizarre photo.

I think I had a kidney or gall stone once. I hurt for weeks almost keeling over at times. Heat and pain medication seemed to help. Finally, the pain stopped. Who knows.

I'm going to be real scared if my sheep bear fruit.

Chunks of Reality said...

I just voted for ya!

My gawd, a kidney stone? I have to ask, did you fish it out of the toilet and is it currently sitting in a jar by your television? :)

By the way, I wanted you to know that you've been tagged, but don't do it if you don't want to. I'll have it posted tomorrow.

Da Old Man said...

@ Janna: I'm not reaching in for such a tiny stone. It has to be photoworthy

@ Reforming: I've had bad ones before. This one was tiny. Almost a stonette.

@ Chunks: Thank you. I'll be by.

Lipstick said...

Ouch. I am kinda speechless...ouch!!!!

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Sorry to hear about the kidney stone...but the picture of the guy drinking the toilet through a straw or whatever that is made me LOL.

So thanks. I hope you don't hear any more "plunking" when you pee.

Mark p.s.2 said...

The picture of the guy and the toilet is in an emergency situation. Smoke inhalation kills people in fires. I saw this drawing after 9-11. In a fire thats in a highrise there can be no clean air to breath. What people don't know is that there is air in the sewer pipe. So to stay alive it might be possible to breath stinky yet unpoisoned air that is in the four inch pipe.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lipstick: Sometimes speechless is ok. :)

@ Petra: I've been plunk-free

@ Mark: Really? I think I'd almost rather die. Imagine if you do that and get overwhelmed by smoke and die, being found sucking out of the toilet bowl.