Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Longest Night Ever

For reasons only known to her, the Crotchety Old Lady has decided to babysit one of her rugrat grandchildren overnight. Normally, this wouldn't matter, however she has hidden my percosets, oxycotin, Vicodin, Jack Daniels, Grey Goose, and every other possible mind numbing intoxicant that would normally get me through such a night.

It started with Hannah Friggin' Montana. This show is apparently 30 minutes of an idiotic laugh track, with an occasional song. Damn, my head is pounding. Next came another 30 minutes of pretend hilarity called the Suite Life of Zack and Cody. I have no idea what the purpose of this is other than an excuse for a constant laugh track. Apparently, the guys who own the laugh track company has some very naughty pictures of Disney executives in compromising positions.

OK, we'll use your laugh track

I fully understand why people use drugs. It gives some relief from the Disney channel and its laugh track.

It was a Hannah Friggin Montana Marathon, man

Make the pain stop

Instead of commercials, I was treated to a whiny rendition of "Where's Mom? When am I going home?" every, oh, I don't know, 3 minutes.

In between absolutely mindless crap on Disney channel, there are shorts that are basically mini infommercials. I now know more about the Jonas Friggin Brothers than any male over the age of 16.

I found my limit.

1 hour.

I locked both of them out of the room.
Voting is still open


tahtimbo said...

I know what you mean. My two like to watch several of the Disney cartoons (they hate Hanna Montana and the other lame "sitcoms) and every time a commercial comes on, we have to endure 5 minutes of previews for the other Disney shows or their idiotic shorts. It makes me want to shoot a certain mouse. Thank goodness for the mute button.

eve cleveland said...

They just don't make the really worthwile, hard hitting television programs they did when we were coming up.
Sigmund and the Seamonster, Alf, My Favorite Martian, Mr. Ed and Three's Company. Now, clearly there were no drugs or blackmail involved in the writing or production of those legends.

Adullamite said...

I understand it is possible to sue Mrs Crochety for such things. My brother in law did try this on my sister a few years back - his head has healed now - but the court said he could sue.

Unknown said...

The only difference between Hanna Montana, Zoe 101, I Carly and the other Disney crap and Sex in the city, Friends or any of the adult crap is that in the Disney version they stop at the 2nd base, the rest is pretty much the same, including the laugh track.

Da Old Man said...

@ Tahtimbo: The kid likes the little breaks more than the shows, though. :(

Stupid Jonas Brothers

@ Eve: I know. The laugh tracks at leas stopped occasionally. These shows they don't stop at all.

@ Adullamite: Mrs. C wields a mean frying pan, so I'll play it safe. Next time (please never let there be a next time) I'm booking a room out of town.

@ Buddha: I don't know. At least on the adult shows, the laugh track stops once in a while.

Carol said...

Yeah, welcome to my world.

ReformingGeek said...

I am very happy to say I've never seen any of those shows.

BTW, the Jonas Brothers bought a house in my city. When I first heard about it, I had to ask who they were. I soon found out.

Da Old Man said...

@ Carol: Fortunatley, it ended already. I don't think I could take it 2 days in a row. Bless you.

@ Reforming: From what I can tell, they stand and sing horrible songs while teenage girls scream.

GumbyTheCat said...

You have my sympathies.

Olga, the Traveling Bra said...

Just wait until she "graduates" to the "Americas Next Top Model" or "I Wanna Be Paris Hiltons Next Best Friend!" AHHHHHH!!!

A New Yorker said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Makes you wish for the Flobee infomercial eh?

Donnie said...

Hahaha...glad you had such a great time Joe. Lol! My grandkids live out of town so I'm free to watch yours anytime. What's their favorite beer?

Da Old Man said...

@ Gumby: Thanks

@ Olga: Oy vey. My TV doesn't get those channels. I swear.

@ Lauren: I'd rather watch a fishing show.

@ Don: If there was beer, it would have gone in me.

Swirl Girl said...

I only let my kids (4 and 9) watch those shows when I am otherwise occupied (like blogging or sleeping) so I don't have to listen to them.

(the shows, not the kids - I mean)

Chat Blanc said...

I would lose what little mind I had left if I were forced to watch kid shows on TV. Or even be around them when on. Reason 1005 why I don't have kids! :) Smart move to lock them out!

Da Old Man said...

@ Swirl: Good move :)

@ Chat: Spongebob rocks, though. Just sayin'
It's only those Disney shows aimed at tweens that drive me crazy.

Lipstick said...

ROFL!! That's it. Time to go to the liquor store for reinforcements.

Anonymous said...

Wow, you poor soul. This is one of the reasons I'm glad I decided to opt out of the higher channels and therefore miss out on the Disney Channel.
I suppose their shows just reflect their overall practices. ;-)

Sandee said...

I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore. My grand babies are in their teens. It's a whole new batch of crud to deal with, but not quite as bad as what you just described.

Have a great weekend. :)

Anonymous said...

I've got two kids, Crotchety old bean. You just got a nice, fat taste of what I put up with almost daily.

Fun, huh?

Da Old Man said...

@ Lipstick: Pass some over, please. TYVM :)

@ Shadow: Disney is just a horrible channel

@ Sandee: I could deal with teens better than Disney-watcher types

@ The Hawg: You, sir, walk as a saint among us

Gianetta said...

No kids here, just a niece who finally outgrew Hannah Montana only to grow into Jonas Brothers...Wait, that doesn't sound quite right...oh wait she's safe, they wear purity rings. I can handle them as long as I can wear earplugs so I don't have to listen to their nasal off pitch tight pants wearing teen ballad puke songs. :)

Anonymous said...

I know, the madness must totally stop! I am subjected to Disney most of the day!!!

Anonymous said...

You CAN get even like I did: I went Christmas shopping ON MY OWN and ditched the grandkid's four page lists of "want it want it want it" that their dad generously gives us every year. Gee. Nice to hear from him.

I bought them ONE PRESENT: the GUITAR AND DRUM TOUR for their PlayStation 2. Let him enjoy their new-found talent for drumming and strumming....oh, and it came with a MICROPHONE. heeheehee.

Da Old Man said...

@ MA: Jionas Brothers make me nostalgic for Hanson.

@ Rusty: I truly offer you my depest sympathy.

@ Dana: That's mean. I love it. :)