Friday, August 01, 2008

More Answers To Ladies Questions

Answering Questons From the Ladies Part 2

Because the ladies are so darned inquisitive, I will answer even more of their questions.

In case anyone missed part 1

Let me get right into it.

Jenn queries: Why is it when walking past a guy, often he will start whistling a tune? Not a cat call, just start music making.

I can’t believe women don’t know the answer to this. It’s almost too easy.


That’s right. Mick Jagger. The man has dated, married, and had several children with models and supermodels. Women describe him as soulful, sexy, and who knows what else they imagine. I posted a glamour shot from years ago. We all know that today he looks even more like a troll doll. If he were a dock worker from Port Newark, even a good hearted hooker would charge him double. And don’t make me post pictures of Rod Stewart and Keith Richards.
Musicians get the babes, and Jenn, you are experiencing men who understand that.

Lauren wants to know why men would kiss women they apparently have no further interest in.

Women are cunning creatures. They plan and study, and think ahead. I’ve witnessed junior high school young ladies doodling. It will be a heart with the name of her current beau running through it. She will practice writing her name as Mrs. Guy Whistlebritches. Meanwhile, Guy is busy doodling tanks, airplanes, and weird animals. Men pretty much are simple, reactive beings. We don’t put that much thought into anything we do concerning amore.

Anok needs to know why men stash food in the unlikeliest of places.

Of course men need to hide it an unlikely place. Would my stash of chocolate be safe from the Crotchety Old Lady if I left it in the cabinet instead of…wait a minute. Was this a trick to get me to reveal where my chocolate is?


No, it’s not in my sock drawer.

Next question comes from faithful reader Sandy

Concerning Richard Simmons, Donald Trump, and Gene Simmons, what is up with their hair? Do they think their ‘do looks good?

Sandy, men have a very tenuous relationship with their hair.

When I was young, I had a full, lustrous head of hair




not so much.

That is why we do everything we can just to pile it up. Style isn’t as important as its existence. We don’t care how it looks. We are just happy it’s still there.

Sandy also asks (she had a lot of good questions) why don’t more men get pedicures.

Sandy, lots of men get pedicures, but most of them already have boyfriends.

Anok (I’m starting to know her husband well) would like to know why men are such babies when they are sick.

This is a myth. Women need to know that because men are the bigger and stronger of the species, they get much more powerful illnesses.
Your little cold is nothing. The germs that affect a man have been scientifically proven to be twice the size and strength as the tiny germs that infect women.
I’ll prove it. Women generally get sick first. The germs develop and get stronger in your system. When you pass your used germs along to your man, they are now larger, and fiercer than ever.

Pamela wants to know if men are attracted to outgoing smart women, or quiet, not so smart ones?


What was the question again?

Oh yeah, ummm.

Moving on.

Lucy VP asks:
Why do men expect applause after such basic tasks like washing up?

We expect it because we deserve it. Few things make men happier than getting dirty, greasy, and smelly.


Look how happy Mike from Dirty Jobs is

Guys would spend all their lives without taking a Photobucket if it weren’t for women.

So, yes, when we do something like acting civilized, we do expect accolades.

I’m sure these responses have answered all your man questions.

You’re welcome. I’m glad to be so helpful.


Kelly Ann said...

LOL I cracked up at the thought of you probably hiding chocolate in with your socks. Now that could add some spice to things!

I forgot to jump in with the questions, if you do this again, I'll be sure to ask something, because I have at least a half million things I'd like to know about men.

Da Old Man said...

@ Chica: You mean there's even more questions?


Kelly Ann said...

You can't possibly be that naive! OF COURSE there are more questions!!! :D

Although most questions women have about men can be answered simply. It's just that we can't wrap our mind around the "Why" of things. I'm personally jealous of a man's ability to ignore their surroundings and how emotionally strong most are.

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Anonymous said...

This is the most useful series ever. You are the male Dear Abby - you're Dear Abbot..Dear Old Man? No, none of the above sound right. You're just an excellent man translator.

Adullamite said...

Very well answered indeed. But why do women ask such dumb questions? I think we should ask 'Why don't you understand the simple logical thin...' hold on, I think I have answered that one myself.

The 'pedicure' answer was so right!

lot 2 learn said...

I'm still not sure it's safe to reveal all of our secrets. My wife reads your post's also, so I have to go clean out my hidden candy stash now

Da Old Man said...

@ Chica: Yup, we are so simple. That's why I can't understand how youse can have so many questions.

@ Aslam: thanks

@ Diva: I just give and give

@ Adullamite: TY. If I took questions for women from men to have my wife answer, there would be maybe 2 or 3, at most.

@ lot2learn: Women have so many questions, they will never learn ALL our secrets. I've barely covered chapter 1 in the Man's Handbook.

jafabrit said...

I can't say anything for laughing, YOu are just too funny :)

Unknown said...

Well, I am so relieved to finally have the answer to my question. It has plagued me lo, many years.

I wonder what they'd do if I tried to chime in with a whistled harmony then? :)

Chat Blanc said...

I'm so excited to have answers to my questions! :) I'm just so disappointed that my pedicure guys actually like other guys. I thought it was strange they were holding hands.

Da Old Man said...

@ jafa: I'm glad you liked it

@ Jenn: I'm sure that would be great. You may get a whole Sonny and Cher vibe going.

@ Sandy: I'm glad I could help

Anok said...

Yes, welcome to my world Crotchety, it is full of unexpected snickers bars in sock drawers, and germ filled winters. Ick! Great post LOL!

Da Old Man said...

@ Anok: At least you now understand his actions. They are all perfectly logical.

Anonymous said...

of course none of these answers are true, and how do you always seem to get Pam Anderson involved? As far as giving accolades to men who do their expected duties...well heck, don't moms start that while they are at age 2 and on the potty?

Da Old Man said...

@ Anonymous: All the answers are 100% true. Pam Anderson is the official second back up crush of the blog. She will fulfill the duties of being the crush if Martha Stewart and Tina Fey ever do anything to upset me. But that is almost inconceiveable.

Matt said...

I'm glad you saved the Pam Anderson pic for I was not able to concentrate on your post after this. Did it have an end?

Da Old Man said...

@ HypocriticalOne: From what I have been hearing, women's questions never end.

Bradley said...

Your pedicure answer is mostly right. As you know, I'm gay and I love a mani and a pedi. However, that is true of all men in Southern California gay or not. Remember, we're practically our own world here.

Da Old Man said...

@ Bradley: I didn't factor California in my answer because, well, as you said, kind of a world apart.

Unknown said...

Love it......

Da Old Man said...

@ Dani: Thanks. Glad you liked it.

bchbear said...

I love Mike Rowe of dirty jobs, he's such a dirty, dirty, boy. Wonder if he needs an assistant to help him shower.

Wait.......was that out loud? Well this won't go anywhere except between you and me, right?

;) :)

Da Old Man said...

@ Bear: Yeah, it's our little secret. Between you, me, and about 300 of my closest friends.

A New Yorker said...

Well. Sigh, thank you for confirming to me that men just don't think at all, that much. :-)

A New Yorker said...

Sorry for the second comment in a row, but has anyone else noticed that that photo of Pamela Anderson has an odd shape in the V region, much like well...????????????????

Da Old Man said...

@ Lauren: You're welcome and no, I never noticed that about Pam

shyne said...

I can't stop laughing!
Good job, crotchety!

A New Yorker said...

D.O.M.-- Take another look at that photo...maybe you'll see the manly shape I am seeing. TEEHEE.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lauren: Stop picking on one of the loves of my life. It's obvious that she thought she may need a snack later on, so she packed a baked potato to nibble on.

Da Old Man said...

@ Shyne: I'm glad you liked it.

Anonymous said...

Let me know when you have at er again Got a few questions myself LOL

Da Old Man said...

@ Wendy: Anytime you have a question, just ask. I'll either save up enough for a blog post or make Friday answer questions day at the end of my post. You know I'm the helpful blogger.

MYM said...

I wanna bath him.


I've now forgotten what this post was about.

Oh yeah, men. They confuse me ;)

That guy really needs me to bathe him...:)

MYM said...

Why is Lauren looking at Pam's crotch? Which does seem to have a penis in it. Well..hahaha...there's a news flash.

Da Old Man said...

@ Drowsey: But that will make Mr. D'Onofrio jealous. Or is that the evil plan?

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