Thursday, January 29, 2009

Happy Birthday Oprah

Oprah is the smartest person on the planet. Easily.


Think about it for a minute: she has millions of fans, all of whom worship love her because they believe she is just like them. They read what she reads, they donate to who she donates, and they buy what she buys.

Oprah makes, according to estimates, between 260 and 385 million dollars a year, and has managed to convince millions of fans that she is just like them. BTW, can you imagine making so much money that estimates can be off by as much as $120,000,000 per year? And, in case you are wondering, yes, she is easily a billionaire. Most estimates put her considerable fortune at over 1.3 billion. Just like all her fans.

About all they share with her is a va jay jay, but don't tell them that.

I can say that, because I doubt she has many fans who have twigs and berries. *Wink wink nudge nudge* you know what I mean? She managed to convince her public that she was apolitical. Considering that she did everything but sodomize Obama on the Tom Cruise couch
it was a tribute to her genius.

About the only other thing she has in common with these adoring mutants fans is an ongoing battle with her weight.

Conveniently, she got fat just as some of her audience caught on that perhaps she was less than up front about her political involvement.

But damn, we all love a fat and upset Oprah.

Happy Birthday, Oprah

Have some. It's good for ratings


Krissi said...

Crotchety you struck a nerve with me on this one! And a good one at that, I SIMPLY CANNOT STAND OPRAH!!! I will admit that up until the past election I didn't really give her much thought, but then when she bought and paid for the Obama's new home in Washington.... SHE CAN GO TO HELL va jay jay or no va jay jay!!

Paul Eilers said...

And she was this close to possibly becoming a Senator!

Unknown said...

LMAO you said va-jay-jay

Adullamite said...

All such programmes, and their hosts, ought to be sent as a Christmas gift to the Taliban!

Unknown said...

I heard she was going to help the poor and starving by letting them suckle on her hind tit.

Harry Yack said...

Bumbasquat. The only place I ever hear or see anything about this woman is on the Internet. Otherwise, since I live in Britain, I live a wonderfully Oprah-free existence! Bliss.

Unknown said...

Funny. I share her struggle with weight -- except that I never lost to begin with.
Okay, Crotchety, I referenced you and included a link in my post today. Hope it's okay!

Deb said...

Oprah's va jay jay on a blog. The world has gone to hell in a hand basket.

Unknown said...

when you mentoned the estimate.. I was thinking the same thought you posted after that.

I never watch he show.. I hate the kool-ade. I didn't even know she had gained weight again THAT'S how much I care

A New Yorker said...

I think you should check your stats and see if she read her birthday tribute. TEEHEE! RIGHT ON BROTHA!

ReformingGeek said...

Surely Tom Cruise is a fan but I'm confused. Does he have a va-jay-jay or twig and berries? Hum....maybe a twig but no berries.

OK. I'm leaving now.

Da Old Man said...

@ Krissi: But doesn't she claim she is not involved in politics?

@ Paul: No, she has nothing to do with politics. Just ask her.

@ Dani: It was special as part of the birthday celebration

@ Adullamite: Sounds good to me

@ Etta: Didn't know about that. It's probably on her agenda. She is so giving.

@ Hindley: In America, we can't get away from her

@ Sherry: It's fine.

@ Deb: Pretty much.

@ Dizz: But it's Oprah. We have to care.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lauren: No, she will be busy at
Yes, that is a real site.

@ Reforming: I'm LMAO @ Twig but no berries

Anonymous said...

She could swallow that cake in one bite.

Donnie said...

Happy Birthday Opie. May you choke on your cake and have many more chokes to come.

Kirsten said...

You mean she makes about a million dollars a day! I make about that with my blog, but I'm an exception to the rule

Raven said...

I am proud to say that I have never hopped on the crazy wagon and become a fan of Oprah. She irritates me to no end. She has these guests on her show and spends the entire time monopolizing the conversation. Why bother to have guests, why not just broadcast an hour long monologue? I'm sure her fans would love it.

Anonymous said...

I have a friend who loves Oprah. I am currently re-thinking our friendship.

I'm convinced Oprah is riding the High Horse of the Apocalypse.

It's a big horse. A big horse eats a lot. I think you can tell where I'm going with this.

Sandee said...

Yeah, she is just like all of us. No, she's not. I can't stand her. She's an entertainer. Period.

As for her and the Nobama thing. I wonder if she got a taste of that? Bwahahahaha. Ewwwww!

Have a great day Crotchety. :)

Jormengrund said...

I wonder if Oprah's going to get TV advice from Tammy Faye?

I hear they've got a lot in common.....

Unknown said...

Lovely post. I'm proud to say I never sat through an episode of "Oprah".

Laura said...

Great post, Crotchety! Oprah gets on my nerves! I've never been a fan, although, I did like her in The Color Purple.

Michelle said...

Twig and berries???? I am kinda hungry now!!! Well not for twigs but berries for sure!!!

So, OPRAH!!! I see that people either LOVE her OR HATE her!!!

I am not people because i neither love or hate her. I just feel neutral towards her. I do love her my favorite things show!!! Do not ask me why. I just do is all!!!

Va-jay-jay!!! Thats from Grey's Anatomy right??? It's a good word. Should be in Websters or some such dictionary!!!


Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: Probably

@ Don: Nice sentiments. So, I take it you didn'tget her anything?

@ Kirsten: Yup, she does. And you are exceptional.

@ Raven: The fans would love nothing more

@ Netta: I can see that

@ Sandee: Eww is right. LOL.

@ Jormen: I'm sure she already did

@ Shadow: WTG

@ Laura: Thanks

@ Michelle: I first heard it on The Soup. Oprah was talking about it "paining."

Anonymous said...

Oh, yes! She has always struck me as being a phony And I totally agree with Raven, she monopolizes all her interviews, the list of reasons why rational people dislike Oprah is endless.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Oprah, Oprah, Oprah. How do I channel your energy to become so rich, famous and loved? I am fat and miserable, why don't people worship ME?

Unknown said...

It's a cult. I know it is. This Opraholism must stop.

Jen said...

Second time I have read about Oprah's va jay jay today. I am going to have nightmares tonight I just know it.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Very good points made, Crotchety. I'm not so fond of her myself. Give me Ellen anyday.

Angi said...

Oprah drives me nuts...I seriously begin to wonder if she loses weight/gains weight/loses weight/gains weight for 1) attention, 2) ratings and 3) to have something to talk about on her show other than gush over celebrities.


The Self-Deprechaun said...

I would like to be adopted by Opie.
Or how can we get Oprah to mention Humor Bloggers on the air?

Da Old Man said...

@ Broadway: Plenty of reasons to dislike her, but she is always on air with a bunch of programs, magazines and who knows what else

@ Petra: They already do. :)

@ Jenn: Opraholism. *snicker*

@ Jen: It is everywhere. lol

@ Mary: Ellen is less pretentious.

@ Angi: Wouldn't surprise me

@ Self: We're working on it

Lin said...

I HATE OPRAH and every single fool that quotes, follows, or imitates her and her silly ideas. I'm moving to Britain where they don't hear about her incessantly.

The Hussy Housewife said...

But no matter what anyone says about here..she always had this comeback tucked inher fat roll, "But I'm Rich ..bitch!"

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Davida said...

I respect Oprah. You gotta respect anyone who makes between 260 and 385 million dollars a year. They are doing something right.


Chaotically Calm said...

You said Oprah's va jay jay you're purposely trying to corrupt my dreams.

Chat Blanc said...

oh Crotchety, I love it when you say va-jay-jay! And fat Oprah! :P

Anonymous said...

Oprah? Who's that? Is he or she somebody I should know?

I live in a plastic bubble, don't get out much.

Da Old Man said...

@ Lin: But everybody loves Oprah. She is on TV constantly, and has a couple shows.

@ Hussy: That is a snappy comeback she can use.

@ Ranran: Thanks for stoping by

@ Davida: That is a lot to respect.

@ Chaotically: Sorry.

@ Chat: I know.

@ Quirky: I noticed. LOL

Janna said...

It may be awhile before I can eat berries again.
Or twigs.

Janna said...

P.S. Oprah annoys me greatly.