Saturday, January 31, 2009

Crotchety's Tips for winter

We have gotten hit with snow storms recently, and it's time to share some of my sure fire helpful tips for dealing with harsh weather.

It should be pointed out that shoveling snow is very good exercise, and helps the Crotchety Old Lady keep her womanly, if slightly Rubenesque, figure. I'm sure she appreciates the opportunity to get in a nice workout in what is usually a time of the year that many find it hard to do so.


First, before going out to shovel snow, it is important to have a good breakfast. This is the most important meal of the day, and can't be stressed too much. So, after I make my breakfast, I insist that the Crotchety Old Lady make herself something that will stick to her ribs like oatmeal or eggs. After she finishes the dishes, it is vital that she dress for the weather. I don't want her to catch a cold or something that will wind up forcing her to be laid up in bed or to miss work.

Layers are crucial. Bulky coats make it hard to shovel, and as she works up a sweat, she could get too warm, which is nearly as dangerous as being too cold.

And don't forget proper equipment. The Crotchety Old Lady deserves the best that money can buy, so I got her


Nothing is too good for her

Once she is ready to face the elements, I make sure that she has her earmuffs, mittens, scarf, and a warm hat.

And then comes the most essential part--I encourage her to go out and shovel the walkways. That's right, the key element in snow removal is mine as "The Encourager."

I remind her to take out the brush for cleaning off my car, and shove help her out the door.

A few hours later, after cleaning the walks and properly salting them, and cleaning the car, she comes in and the first thing I do is remind her to make some tea. It will help warm her up, and, well, opening the door gives me a slight chill. So, it's kind of win-win. And it gives her a chance to do something for me, which she really enjoys.

But, of course, I do tend to rush her a bit because she needs to go to work. And she'll appreciate that the walkways are nice and clean, too.

You are probably thinking that I do too much for her, but she deserves it. And by now, everyone knows I just give and give, it's just my nature.


Anonymous said...

Nice shovel! Mrs. Crotchety should really appreciate that one, it's a limited edition.

LL said...

*sniff* I... I... erm... *sniff*

Anonymous said...

You put the "help" in helpmeet. What a guy! You're a keeper.

jana said...

Oh, dear. I don't even know where to start. Let's just say that if I'M the one who has to shovel the snow? Nobody's leaving this house until April...

Adullamite said...

You are really good to that woman. I hope she appreciates it. I have come across some women who show thanks when you help them like that.

Mr.Anonymous said...


Unknown said...

crotchety, you are indeed a sweet man. I guess you are too sweet to wear that shovel in your, well someplace the sun don't shine. Good one!

A New Yorker said...

Actually I was thinking she should take that shovel and wack you with it! ;)

Donnie said...

You are all heart. Keep it up. Supervisory skills are not easy to come by and require a lot of time and effort to practice. I know she appreciates all of the sacrifices you make.

Matt said...

Constantly thinking up new ways to please Mrs. Crotchety certainly must be tiring for you. I assume, however, that you also allow her, as a reward for shoveling the snow, to massage your neck and shoulders to relieve your stress?

Anonymous said...

You're too good to Mrs. Chrotchety -- giving up your opportunity to get some exercise, all so she can gain the benefit from it. You should win an award or something I guess she's hoping for some particularly heavy snowfalls so she can get a really good workout.

Unknown said...

you are way too good to her. Aren't you afraid she become spoiled and delusional and make a pedestal just for you?

Anonymous said...

So considerate! ;-)

ReformingGeek said...

Hum.....I think the Mrs. might be saying "Take this shovel and job it""Stick this shovel where the sun don't shine, Sonny-Boy".


Kevenj said...

Very Thoughtful Crotch,

I too, let my wife know that if she needs me while she's out, I'll be manning the station next to the TV and the fridge. You never know when someone could come in univited.

Da Old Man said...

@ MA: She does.

@ LL: I knew you'd be moved by the story.

@ Quirky: I keep reminding the Old Lady of that.

@ Speak: I can understand that. I don't even like going out in the cold, let alone with snow.

@ Adullamite: Usually she needs to be reminded.

@ Mr. Anonymous: Glad you liked my shovel/workout plan.

@ Etta: I'm pretty sure she enjoys shoveling snow.

@ Lauren: But that would hurt.

@ Don: I do give up a lot for her.

@ Matt: That would be a good idea. It just makes her more happy, and that is what it's all about.

@ Joel: She probably should nominate me for some man of the year award or something.

@ Dizz: I was thinking more along the lines of a throne.

@ Shadow: I always think of things to make her happy.

@ Reforming: Nah, she has trouble falling asleep, and after a good day shoveling, she sleeps soundly.

@ Kevin: I know. I explain to her that the TV isn't going to watch itself.

Anonymous said...

Crotchety, that brought tears to my eyes. Who says chivalry is dead?

The Self-Deprechaun said...

I commend you on your encouraging abilities. Just like how i say in my household, "Baby, I am the CEO and you are the intern." And maybe just like it is in my home, it maybe the same in yours I get this back from her, " Baby, there is the couch, no nookie for you."

This is me tipping my hat from one CEO to another. You might want her to start shoveling the neighbor's driveways and make her earn some extra cash for you.

Anonymous said...

Will you marry me?

Ann Imig said...

You know what would be really sweet? You should give her a roof rake for your next anniversary.

Mary@Holy Mackerel said...

Har har har de har har. What a great husband you are. She is one lucky woman.

Chat Blanc said...

So that's what I'm missing out on not being married! Damn, and I need the exercise. :D

Janna said...

Poor Mrs. Crotchety.

Da Old Man said...

@ The Hawg: It is alive and well in central NJ

@ Self: She could get some extra cash. Good idea, I'll let her know.

@ Anonymous: Please email me a picture of your snow shovel, first

@ Ann's: That would be thoughtful.

@ Mary: I keep reminding her of that.

@ Chat: Better than a gym.

@ Janna: She likes it, really. At least I'm pretty sure she does.

Michelle said...

Old woman is a very lucky person to be allowed to shovel for hours on end!!

Old man your brilliant!!!

Anonymous said...

Stay far far far away from my husband, please.

He doesn't need any bright ideas.

Anonymous said...

Or just bribe your teenagers friends, that you will no longer serve.. happitizers, or chicken, or pop or a place to crash.. they jump start their young bodies and you can watch them from the window with beer in hand!

Sandee said...

I know where I'd put that shovel if I was Mrs. Crotchety. Bwhahahahaha. You are indeed a giver aren't you. Bwahahahahahaha. It's a wonder you are still breathing.

Have a terrific day. :)

Da Old Man said...

@ Michelle: I am good to her

@ Creative: So, you're sying you won't be buying my relationship book for him?

@ Susie: My kid's friends are too old to fall for that.

@ Sandee: She likes the fresh air and sunshine along with vigorous exercise.

The Queen said...

This post was promoted at CTG Club.. it's too funny

The Queen

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