Saturday, October 25, 2008

Crotchety's Chocolate Covered Contest Day 2

Day 1 winners

Chica X
Dad the Dude

Here are some important facts about chocolate. I read them on the internet, so they must be true.

Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Now, for some serious facts:

Dark Chocolate Lowers Blood Pressure
According to The Journal of the American Medical Association.
Antioxidants in Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is a potent antioxidant, report Mauro Serafini, PhD, of Italy's National Institute for Food and Nutrition Research in Rome, and colleagues. …Antioxidants gobble up free radicals, destructive molecules that are implicated in heart disease and other ailments.

I did noice the bags are different weights. Oy vey. So much for standardization.

You'll still like it. Dove chocolate is good stuff.

And you'll notice Friday's winners all were nice to me, or made me laugh. That's called a clue. Still plenty of chocolate left.


Chocolate covered votes are still appreciated at:


dadthedude said...


Oh yea, oh yea.... I won! Now I need to sit and think of ways to hide this from the family so I and only I can consume my new-found delights in the pure silence that only chocolate from the Old Dude can bring.

Right off the top of my head I think somewhere around the lawn mower in the garage since their is no way in hell anyone in my house would go near it...

Thank you!

Quick question - does this go with a particular type of beer?

A New Yorker said...

I'm always nice to you. I always have a link to you on my site and I sent many happy foodies to you as well :-( Where's my prize. WAAAWAAAAWAAAAH!!!!

dadthedude, haha - I don't have to hide my goodies from anyone. Well, except my kittays :-) I have a drawer you can borrow. [snicker]

The Hussy Housewife said...

Thank YOU!!! My family thanks neighbors thanks you..hell my town thanks you. Now Old Aunt Flow and myself can sit down and indulge in our favorite chocolate of all time. I especially love the inspiring messages in each wrapper..helps my "chi"!

Donnie said...

If chocolate has all of those ingredients and does all of those things that you read, hell I'll eat my weight in it. Therein lies the problem though. Oh well, just a thought.

Da Old Man said...

@ Dad: Sam Adams (preferably a dark one) is the perfect beer to pair with chocolate. bTW, send me your addy using my email on the blog.

@ Lauren: 3 more chances today, you know. And 3 tomorrow and Monday.

@ Jamie: You are quite welcome

@ Don: I know what you mean. I have had those side effects.

Kelly Ann said...

Hip hip hooray! Thank you, my kids will be thanking you as well. :D

Kirsten said...

Damn!! I read your post from yesterday this morning and left a comment not knowing people already won from yesterday! I always screw things up!!!!

pam said...

Why does Snoop Dogg carry an umbrella???

fo drizzle...

a little, very little, something to make you laugh.

Donnie said...

I'm not counting on winning anything, but can I just go ahead and give you my mailing address so you will know where to send my Christmas gift?

Da Old Man said...

@ Chica: I'm sure they will like it. A perfect gift for the family.

@ Kirsten: And it was a great comment. :)

@ Pam: Did anyone tell you that one of my favorite sayings is fo' schizzle? Drive the Spawn crazy when I say that. She can;'t deal with me being so hip. Well, ok, hip for 1998.

@ Don: Sure. I'm addressing my Christmas cards already.

Chat Blanc said...

Your diet tips are waaaaay more appealing and sure to be much more successful than even those of Richard Simmons! Just sayin'.

you got my linky luv in my post today. :D

Lucky Girl said...

The only thing better than chocolate is peanut butter. Put the two together, and then you have a balanced diet!

Da Old Man said...

@ Chat: I saw the link. Thanks. My tips are way better than Richard's. And until youmentioned it, the blog has been Richard Simmons free for a couple months. He's due for an appearance.

@ Lucky Girl: Perfect balance :)

Waitstaff Drama said...

wow.. I was just about to hit the sack, but now I am going to have to go eat some heavy duty chocolate. Thanks for the great post. Who cares how much I can gain from eating it, it is GODD for me!

Unknown said...

~drool~ Screw the chocolate... I want that Bug. That'd be so frigging (excuse the pun) sweet!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha I never knew how healthy chocolate is. Thank you so much for taking the time to do all of this important research. I feel much better knowing that I make good, healthy choices! Seriously dude, you are such a humanitarian. You should win an award! :)

Congrats to the weiners, I mean, winners AGAIN! :D

Anonymous said...

Ya, I'm with Kirsten on this one. A day late and a chocolate short...sorry I missed th efun.

Da Old Man said...

@ Waitstaff: Chocolate is a better vegeatble than broccoli.

@ Dani: You still have a chance tomorrow and Monday

@ Shadow: I like the Bug, too.

@ Angie: LOL @ weiners. And recognizing that I'm a humanitarian. You are one of today's weiners. Erm, winners.