Crotchety's Chocolate Covered Contest Day 2

Day 1 winners

Chica X
Jamie
Dad the Dude

Here are some important facts about chocolate. I read them on the internet, so they must be true.

Chocolate is derived from cacao beans. Bean = vegetable.
Sugar is derived from either sugar CANE or sugar BEETS. Both are plants, which places them in the vegetable category. Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain milk, which is dairy. So candy bars are a health food.

Chocolate-covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and strawberries all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

If you've got melted chocolate all over your hands, you're eating it too slowly.

The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the store in a hot car. The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.

If calories are an issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to protect themselves. (We're testing this with other snack foods as well.)

If I eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate, is that a balanced diet? Don't they actually counteract each other?

Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.

A nice box of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in one place. Now, isn't that handy?

If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer. But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?

If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You can't let that happen, can you?

Now, for some serious facts:

Dark Chocolate Lowers Blood Pressure
According to The Journal of the American Medical Association.
Antioxidants in Dark Chocolate
Dark chocolate is a potent antioxidant, report Mauro Serafini, PhD, of Italy's National Institute for Food and Nutrition Research in Rome, and colleagues. …Antioxidants gobble up free radicals, destructive molecules that are implicated in heart disease and other ailments.

I did noice the bags are different weights. Oy vey. So much for standardization.

You'll still like it. Dove chocolate is good stuff.

And you'll notice Friday's winners all were nice to me, or made me laugh. That's called a clue. Still plenty of chocolate left.



Chocolate covered votes are still appreciated at:
www.humorbloggers.com